It's 10.55 am and I'm at the web. My class finished early today, and not that I'm complaining, but I wish there was something to DO in college during breaks other than eat,hang out at the cafeteria or surf the net in the web. Now that Rizu's graduated, I don't really have anyone to randomnize with (is that a word? it should be a word)during breaks. Justin and Eu Jin seem to be catching up, but there's just something special about bitching in dhivehi. I mean, how do you translate words like 'thui' into english? You may come close, but it takes a true red, green and white blooded maldivian to really get the beauty of the word.
Yes, you may quote me.
I've found myself missing male' more and more these couple of days. At least, I miss my friends and family. But I never ever want to go back. I know I might sound like a snobbish little bitch, but it's not that I don't love Male', coz I DO, it's just that sometimes it feels like male' suffocates me. It's like theres this paticular way you have to act,dress, and even think. Anyone who dares to be different is looked upon as a total outcast. At least that's the way it feels sometimes. And I don't like the person I turn into when I stay in Maldives for too long.
I screwed up a bit in December when I was there for end of year holidays. Everything kept piling up, family stuff, boy issues, friend problems..there were days when I honestly felt like I was going to lose it. And I guess all of that just blew up, and I didn't know how to handle it. Any of it. In the I guess I let down people I care about alot, and I saw a side to some people I respected that I never wanted to witness. These are people who've been my closest friends when I was in Malaysia, and it amazed me how much the atmosphere of a place could change a person. How they could change friendships.
I think going abroad gives you a chance to start over new. Yea, alot of people change for the worse abandoning everything they believed in, but at the same time, alot of people change for the better too. Yes, I screw up from time to time, and when I do, it's HARD, but for the most part, I like the person I'm turning into. But it's like the moment I step onto male', I morph into the me of a couple of years back. The 'me' that everyone expects me to still be. This time I'll be in male' for atleast 8 months and it scares me. I don't want to lose who I am now. I don't ever want to go back to being that image of the person some people still have of me.
So who am I now? Well, I'm focused. I know what I want in life and I know what I have to do to get it. Maybe my ambitions are too big even for myself, but the world needs people with big ambitions I think. I can't imagine my life without my friends, and I don't always see eye to eye with my family, but they have a huge impact on the decisions I make. I dance around crazily in my room and I roast marshmallows with candles. Weird? Oh yea. I can take care of myself and anyone who thinks I'm 'little' really needs to get to know me a little bit better. Do I still mess up and show off my immature 16 year old side? Yep, from time to time. But I'm working on it.
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8 comments:
ok. what have you done to her you imposter. where is she? u actually make sense. lol. jes kidding. it was nice reading this post.
if u ask me ill say its not male' that does it to u. its just you and the need or feel u have to change into that girl who was u a few years back. ppl change all the time mainly for the better good. they are kept constricted all their lives and as they grow up they start becoming who they really are. so u dance around craxy in ur room and roast marshmallows with candles. so what? believe me. u aint the only one. ;) and as to u showing off ur 16yr old side, thats just you. why have the need to work on that. i dont think its that big a deal. it has already been too long so ill stop here before it looks as if im posting through ur comments. heheh
hehe well,maybe its not male'...but its the people.the way i see it,if someone expects u to be a certain way,most of the time u end up acting that way.maybe its coz the people here respect me and expect me to make mature decisions that i want to live upto their expectations.as for male',well most people expect me to be 'foni' and 'badi'.its true.and im not saying i dont want to act 16..i just dont want to make stupid decisions that most ppl my age make.i think im better than that..excuse me if that sounds a bit stuck up:P hehe
yup, as u admitted u 'mess up and show off your immature 16 year old side' every now & then, for. e.g when u got your impulsive haircut!
u've a point about bitching in dhivehi. as far as i know there's no true equivalent of 'thui' in english & the closest that comes to it is 'coy'. but the problem is thui can be used in so many contexts in dhivehi & there's a separate english word for all those contexts. when i was studying i taught them some dhivehi words i used often so that i cud use the words with them as well. why dont u try that?
btw i just checked for 'randomnize' & it doesn't exist. so maybe u cud suggest it to oxford so that they cud approve it & include it in their next dictionary edition...
cant agree with u more on this...ppl here seriously need to step out of the overrated zone and take a chill pill...i came back2male' last year after 6 years to find out that ppl here are still in the stoneage!
like "they" say, "you cant live if you give a shit about what others think!" i dont think thats how the saying goes..but i'm pretty sure it means the same thing..lol
i took that advice the moment i heard it...lifes been great ever since...and umm about the "dancin crazily in the room" thing....makes two of us! lol
whoa! we've got all posts in here.hehe. obi. and u dont have to make those mistakes just to fit in dho. why the hell do u think i even talk with u. u may be (ur age here), but it never seems that ur immature....ehrm ehrm....(u know im just exaggerating here) hehe. but ive always liked the conversations. so in short its not stuck up. :p
Weirdo, i believe that was a compliment!:O why,thank u! haha
shaari: theres an idea,hmm...do ppl who invent words get any sort of recognition?:P hmm maybe we cud add a coupla dhivehi words up there like thui..the english language needs it
shan:i kno...its like some people are so stuck in their ways that they consider any form of change as a personal insult...hmm..but i guess thats how everywhere is..kind of.and i luv that saying,it sounds just fine to me hehe
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