Rambling..

I just realized I haven't shut up all day. Not once. I think this is the longest I've gone without talking all day, but since I'm rambling away here, I'm not sure that counts.

Caffeine overload,maybe? Hmm..not really, since I had just one(theres a shocker) coffee all day. Must be all the Chinese new year festivities. Yes. That must be it.

But I'm not chinese. Oh well.

Damn. I sound extremely pink, don't I? heh.

The storybook version of my life

In the storybook version of my life I would be sipping a Caramel Macchiato in Starbucks. The Starbucks that overlooks that ferris wheel. That ferris wheel which always flills me up with momentary happiness for some completely unknown reason. I love that ferris wheel. I'd be in that Starbucks which isn't filled with happy memories of life as I formerly knew it. Memories which come loathed in the life as I know it now. But then again, that's another story.

It would be sunset. The sunset would be at that perfect angle, giving the world that perfect orangish/red tint that would make everything seem..perfect. It would be drizzling a bit too. Yes, it would definitely be drizzling in the story book version of my life. The air would have this.. magical.. feel. The kind of magical feel that I've only ever experienced going on those long walks with my dad in Leicester.

I miss Leicester. I miss my dad too.

And I'd be with that person. That smart, funny, wise person. Mature too. Slightly crazy? Yes, I think I'd like that person to be slightly crazy. We'd talk about everything. Friends, politics, life. And music. Oh yes, music is very important. That person would laugh at my jokes. That person would challenge my opinions. That person would be perfectly imperfect.

I like that person.


And then, reality happens. My room looks like I haven't cleaned it in awhile. Probably because I haven't cleaned it in awhile. My bag is lying on the bed slightly open, displaying my new tort book. I need to start reading that tort book. And I'm filled with an undeniable sense of nostalgia. Nostalgia is the worst feeling in the world, I think.

I liked the storybook version of my life better.

Completely random..

It's 10.55 am and I'm at the web. My class finished early today, and not that I'm complaining, but I wish there was something to DO in college during breaks other than eat,hang out at the cafeteria or surf the net in the web. Now that Rizu's graduated, I don't really have anyone to randomnize with (is that a word? it should be a word)during breaks. Justin and Eu Jin seem to be catching up, but there's just something special about bitching in dhivehi. I mean, how do you translate words like 'thui' into english? You may come close, but it takes a true red, green and white blooded maldivian to really get the beauty of the word.

Yes, you may quote me.

I've found myself missing male' more and more these couple of days. At least, I miss my friends and family. But I never ever want to go back. I know I might sound like a snobbish little bitch, but it's not that I don't love Male', coz I DO, it's just that sometimes it feels like male' suffocates me. It's like theres this paticular way you have to act,dress, and even think. Anyone who dares to be different is looked upon as a total outcast. At least that's the way it feels sometimes. And I don't like the person I turn into when I stay in Maldives for too long.

I screwed up a bit in December when I was there for end of year holidays. Everything kept piling up, family stuff, boy issues, friend problems..there were days when I honestly felt like I was going to lose it. And I guess all of that just blew up, and I didn't know how to handle it. Any of it. In the I guess I let down people I care about alot, and I saw a side to some people I respected that I never wanted to witness. These are people who've been my closest friends when I was in Malaysia, and it amazed me how much the atmosphere of a place could change a person. How they could change friendships.

I think going abroad gives you a chance to start over new. Yea, alot of people change for the worse abandoning everything they believed in, but at the same time, alot of people change for the better too. Yes, I screw up from time to time, and when I do, it's HARD, but for the most part, I like the person I'm turning into. But it's like the moment I step onto male', I morph into the me of a couple of years back. The 'me' that everyone expects me to still be. This time I'll be in male' for atleast 8 months and it scares me. I don't want to lose who I am now. I don't ever want to go back to being that image of the person some people still have of me.

So who am I now? Well, I'm focused. I know what I want in life and I know what I have to do to get it. Maybe my ambitions are too big even for myself, but the world needs people with big ambitions I think. I can't imagine my life without my friends, and I don't always see eye to eye with my family, but they have a huge impact on the decisions I make. I dance around crazily in my room and I roast marshmallows with candles. Weird? Oh yea. I can take care of myself and anyone who thinks I'm 'little' really needs to get to know me a little bit better. Do I still mess up and show off my immature 16 year old side? Yep, from time to time. But I'm working on it.

The stupidest thing I've done this year

So, it's the start of another week and as for the weekend, I have officially put in zero studying time. Just wasn't feeling it for some reason. I got insanely bored yesterday and did the stupidest thing. I don't know where it came from, but I got this sudden urge to get a haircut. Maybe it was my way of seeking out that change I've been craving for, or maybe, like I said, I was just insanely bored.

Now, getting a new hairstyle is a major decision and one to be thought out well. And trust me, you should never ever go and get an impulse haircut on your own. Oh believe me, I knew all this, so I don't know which part of my brain thought it was good idea to go alone.

I blame the 2 cans of coffee I had.

Well, you must've probably figured out that I walked out of that salon looking HIDEOUS. No, really, I'm not exaggerating. As a friend put it, I looked like a 'findhuburi kaalheh'.

-_- I really need friends who aren't so honest.

Sigh, this is how I look now. I miss my hair!

New beginnings

I do realize that since January is almost over, my first post for the new year is coming rather late. I just haven't felt like blogging lately. Maybe it's because my heads been a complete mess these past couple of weeks(it still partially is.but i digress) or maybe I'm just trying to justify my absence from the blogger world(why I feel the need to, I do not know.heh) with stupid excuses.

Oh well.

So it's a new year. I'm not dismissing off last year as completely horrible..but if I had to sum it up in one word, I guess I would have to say 'disappointing'. 2007 did have it's good, if not perfect moments, but for the most part, I'm glad it's over. Being a reasonably realistic person(although I like the odd moments with my head up in the clouds as much as the next girl), I don't doubt that there are going to be days that I'd want to lie in bed with the sheets over my head and wish it would all just go away. But hopefully they'll be more good days than bad ones. And hopefully, drama levels will be kept to a minimum this year(especially ones of the boy variety). Can't live with them, can't live without them, eh?

I suspect that A2 is going to be my key to the coo coo house. One of these days, my housemate is going to walk into my room and find me sitting on my contract law textbook, chopping off all my hair. Honestly, the work load, with the added pressure of applying to universities(the deadline is in MARCH people! argh!) is enough to send anyone over the edge. Oh well. It'll all be over in June.

So heres for new beginnings. And hopefully better endings. Happy 2008, everyone! =)



-_- What? It's still January, alrite?