Another random thought..

Today I had a little too much time on my hands, and anyone who knows me knows that when I have even a little bit of time with nothing to do, it usually means I drift of into completely random thoughts..

You know how when we're little we imagine ourselves as these great people with these amazing lives...pilots, lawyers, doctors, whatever...but the point is, we always assume we're going to end up to be extraordinary people who'd, just by living, bring some sort of change to the world....make some kind of impact, regardless of it's significance. I think most of us never give up on that dream . But what if one day after you step into the real world you realize that you're just ordinary? That you could just disappear and no one would have noticed that you were gone? Or ever lived, for that matter. What if you die and there's not a single thing of value you leave behind. What would have been the point of all those years of pain, joy, love and heart ache you would have gone through? Would any of that have mattered in the end?

It's kinda scary when you think about it.

Bad day..

It's only 11.20 am, and the day is going H.O.R.I.B.B.L.Y. Woke up with a sore throat and a cold and I was so incredibly sleepy that I could barely open my eyes (honestly, it should be made illegal to have classes at 8 am during ramadan.Or any other day). Thought about skipping college, but didn't think I could afford to miss any more classes this sem (mainly because I don't think my mum could take a letter about my attendance AND my result transcript). Rushed down to catch the bus and actually managed to get a seat *Gasp*. The problem? The idiot driver was too busy bitching about god knows with his homeboy to notice that there were actually people ON THE BUS. Sigh. Ended up reaching college at 8.40, (mmhmm, my class was as 8) glared at the driver who actually had the nerve to wink *Hmph!* and huffed off to hide somewhere till my next class started since I couldnt possibly show up 40 minutes late for a class.

Law was surprisngly drab as well and so friggin COLD. I don't think I caught a single word of what our lecturer was talking about(guys, fill me in later k?).

And so here I am now in the library...cold, hungry and very very grumpy. Sigh, just goes to show your day sucks without coffee.

Damn. Now I want coffee.

Dilemma..

Huge huge dilemma....

What I should have to eat roadha veellan? Pizza Hut? Nandos? Secret Recipe?

Hmm, had dominos yesterday, so I dont reckon my friends will be up for pizza..
Nandos? Nah, it reminds me of certain people I'm trying very hard not to think about...heh.
Secret Recipe? Eurgh.


I have no idea why I'm blogging about this.

Ok I should seriusly stop thinking about food.

Late nite ravings..

Why is it that when your lifes going good, everything seems to go reeeally well and when its bad, your entire world comes crashing down? I mean, is it too much to ask for a little balance (although I cant agree with the saying that too much of good thing is never good for you. If you're happy,you're happy...bottom line).

I just got my trial results and lets just say theyre no where near my uni's standards. And to make it worse, my parents have no idea exactly how I scored(I know I should just get it over with....but its scary orite?heh.) I'm soo spending all my breaks in the library...my social life can take a backseat for while.

And then theres the issue of being scared shitless about not knowing what might happen. Control freak? Nah. Not really. I'd just like to know that everything will be ok before I put my heart on the line again. It's hard keeping faith when everyone tells you the thing you're scared of is inevitable. Oh well. We shall see...

*Yawn* Sleep calls...

Life...

Life's a funny thing. You can be one person today and this completely different person the next day. I used to be scared shitless of change...and I guess a part of me still is. But lately, I've come to realize that evolving is a good thing. Yea, it probably means an endless road to self discovery, but it's exciting ya know?

I think I've changed a lot over the years(obviously eh? I mean, I used to live on pizza shaped candy *shudder*) , but this year has been THE year. I think I was quite lost at the beginning of 2007 as is to be expected I guess...new country, new friends and all that shit. I was wound up so tight for the fear of messing up or god forbid, failing. I was trying so hard not to change that somewhere along the way a I lost a little bit of myself and I stopped having fun altogether.
Then it just got so fucking HARD. Sure, I was getting pretty good grades and I was making my parents happy by being the good little girl who stayed at home and studied....but honestly, when was that ever me?

But these past 2 months or so, I started rediscovering myself bit by bit. And I've realized something; the old me together with some minor modification aint too bad.

So yea, change can be good.

Gud or bad?

I'm talking about long distance relationships. The question is, do they have the slightest chance of working out without having to devote your whole life to it or are they just best avoided? I mean, normal relationships are hard enough right? So when you add on the whole mis communication factor plus trust issues and everything else that could possibly go in relationships, the answer is quite simple...rite...?
Now look at it from this angle. True, long distance is the ultimate test for any relationship. So let's say miracles of all miracles you guys actually DO manage to get through it? Doesn't that prove what you have is solid? That whatever you guys went through was oh so worth it? Is it possible, that on some level, that long distance is actually.....good? Maybe its true...maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder.
So the question remains, long distance-is it worth the shot?