emoness

You can probably tell from the title of this entry that I'm feeling pretty emo at the moment.Urgh, I hate that word....emoness. It somehow doesnt seem to fully describe this feeling, but neither does the other words dancing(to extremly gloomy music btw) in my brain. Sad? no, I'm not sad...this feeling is more raw than that. Depressed? not that either. Depressed sounds like I'm suicidal or desperately needing psychiatric aid. And while I am undeniably * insert horrible feeling here*, I quite like my life even though it doesnt seem all that good at this paticular second.

Hmm...I guess nostalgic comes close though...

It feels like my whole world is changing all of a sudden. I'm not talking about coming to malaysia....I think I'm starting to really fit in here(or am i just jinxing it?). But I miss my old friends, the ones that I've known since kindergarden, all the way through elementary school and survived with me through high school. And while I love my friends here, I have this completely different bond with those friends who visited me when I got my leg broken for the first time and consoled me when I got my first heartbreak.

But now, everyone seems to be in a rush to grow up and leaving everything behind. It's like all their priorities and values that they were raised to believe in are suddenly insignificant. And while I understand that everyone has a different idea of whats right and wrong, I just cant seem to let this go. Because what they seem to think is right seems soo wrong to me, and that gets me wondering how people with such different moral views can ever be friends again. Is this what growing up is really all about? Do we just have to let go or try desperatly to hold on to the broken pieces that we have left? Which ever way I look at it, nothing feels like it's ever going to be like the way it used to be. And thats a shame, because life was pretty great just the way it was.