Stressing

It's another late night and I'm up, completely insomniac yet once again. I can tell the stress is really getting to me because unlike uncountable times before, I can't blame it on coffee. Reason being, apart from the occasional moment of weakness, I have been avoiding caffeine at all costs(who knew the caramel hot chocolate at Starbucks was so incredibly good? yum).

And the reason for all this stress? Well, my A2 exams, for one thing. I've never been this completely freaked out about an exam in my life(not even my O levels..and that's saying something). So much depends on my A level results. Where will I spend the next 3 years of my life doing my degree ? Will I manage to get into UQ / Monash or will I have to settle for some mediocre university? Did I let my parents down? Would all the hopes and money they invested in me be reduced to nothing but disappointment? Would I have yet again lost another fight? I don't think I can take another loss. Sooner or later, you just get tired of losing.

Then there's having to go back to Male'. Now, it's not so much about going back home as it is about leaving Malaysia and my friends. I don't even want to think about how much I'm going to miss 'my people'. Who am I going to call for reassurance that no, I'm not a failure as a human being when my mum tells me otherwise in a moment of infuriation. Who will I call when that guy lets me down (which lets face it, he will)? I'm going to miss all those nights of girl talk at Aroo's, chilling in Starbucks with everyone and those not so surprise parties at Indah Villa we throw on everyone's b'day.

I'm going to miss my classmates too. I'm not sure if I'll see any of them again anytime soon and that sucks. For what it's worth, it was a privilege meeting everyone of you (some more than others.heh.)

And yes, Male' does scare me. I don't want to lose sight of my dreams and wake up one morning and think 'screw fighting for peace and justice, I think I'll just go and chill at dinemore garden'. I don't want to lose this sense of independence that I've discovered these last few months. I like being the 'strange little 17 year old who talks too big for her age', and I'm scared that person will be squished out of me when I go back.

But I'm going to get through the stress. The light at the end of the tunnel might look far away right now, but it's still there. And for now, that's all I need to know.

Wreck of the day

I feel (and I highly suspect also look) like a wreck. So it's finally here, the day of the moot. I could barely sleep last night because the butterflies in my stomach (and not the good kind either. But then again, when it comes to butterflies is there a good kind?) wouldn't stop fluttering. The consequences? I have dark circles under my eyes, making me look like a not so cute raccoon. I also feel like collapsing on my nice, purple bed (which btw, is covered in case law). Trust me, these are not things you would want to be experiencing on the day of your first moot. With a Kings College lecturer as the judge. Presenting your case in front of zillions of law students. And the publicity people. And I hear the guys are really really good.

Oh crap.

I don't know at which point this stopped being fun and turned into, literally, a NIGHTMARE! I've never been one to shy away from large crowds. But this is beyond anything I've ever done before. It's an experience, I guess. And as Kuhan so kindly put it, the embarrassment will eventually go away.

It doesn't help that Ms. Marguerite was a total mess, either. When Miss Hot Shot Lawyer turned Lecturer starts freaking out for you, well, you know you're basically screwed. Eu jin said he was nervous. Because he forgot to wear court shoes.

Sigh. I wish that was the only thing I had to worry about as well.
Oh well. Gotta go and get ready. Wish me luck.

Clarity is just once upon a time..

I have been completely stressed out for the past two weeks. I swear, mooting is making me slightly coo-coo. I wake up every morning groaning inwards thinking of the amount work to be done and the zillions(zillions= more than one should be forced to read) of cases to be read. Sigh, at this point, law school doesn't seem all that appealing.

It's strange though, despite all that stress and freaking out, life seems to be more of an..adventure..this year. I have no idea what it holds for me yet, and apart from the fact that I reeally dread going back to Male' this June after my A levels, I feel kinda excited about it all. Life hasn't been exceptionally great so far this year, but it hasn't exactly sucked either. As corny as this is going to sound, it's true what they say, life really is what you make of it. Ahh, I already feel chipper( JD, Eu jin - i told you it's a word.Don't believe the crazy maldivian eh?)

And I know no one believes me, but I honestly have moved on from that particular issue of last year. I think. At least it doesn't bug me like it used to. It's more of the friendship and not having to constantly edit myself out that I miss. It's an amazing feeling, being truly and completely understood.

But after everything that's happened last year, I could do with a little more space. It sucks sometimes, that life is forever changing and clarity is all just once upon a time. But oh well, I digress.

Rambling..

I just realized I haven't shut up all day. Not once. I think this is the longest I've gone without talking all day, but since I'm rambling away here, I'm not sure that counts.

Caffeine overload,maybe? Hmm..not really, since I had just one(theres a shocker) coffee all day. Must be all the Chinese new year festivities. Yes. That must be it.

But I'm not chinese. Oh well.

Damn. I sound extremely pink, don't I? heh.

The storybook version of my life

In the storybook version of my life I would be sipping a Caramel Macchiato in Starbucks. The Starbucks that overlooks that ferris wheel. That ferris wheel which always flills me up with momentary happiness for some completely unknown reason. I love that ferris wheel. I'd be in that Starbucks which isn't filled with happy memories of life as I formerly knew it. Memories which come loathed in the life as I know it now. But then again, that's another story.

It would be sunset. The sunset would be at that perfect angle, giving the world that perfect orangish/red tint that would make everything seem..perfect. It would be drizzling a bit too. Yes, it would definitely be drizzling in the story book version of my life. The air would have this.. magical.. feel. The kind of magical feel that I've only ever experienced going on those long walks with my dad in Leicester.

I miss Leicester. I miss my dad too.

And I'd be with that person. That smart, funny, wise person. Mature too. Slightly crazy? Yes, I think I'd like that person to be slightly crazy. We'd talk about everything. Friends, politics, life. And music. Oh yes, music is very important. That person would laugh at my jokes. That person would challenge my opinions. That person would be perfectly imperfect.

I like that person.


And then, reality happens. My room looks like I haven't cleaned it in awhile. Probably because I haven't cleaned it in awhile. My bag is lying on the bed slightly open, displaying my new tort book. I need to start reading that tort book. And I'm filled with an undeniable sense of nostalgia. Nostalgia is the worst feeling in the world, I think.

I liked the storybook version of my life better.

Completely random..

It's 10.55 am and I'm at the web. My class finished early today, and not that I'm complaining, but I wish there was something to DO in college during breaks other than eat,hang out at the cafeteria or surf the net in the web. Now that Rizu's graduated, I don't really have anyone to randomnize with (is that a word? it should be a word)during breaks. Justin and Eu Jin seem to be catching up, but there's just something special about bitching in dhivehi. I mean, how do you translate words like 'thui' into english? You may come close, but it takes a true red, green and white blooded maldivian to really get the beauty of the word.

Yes, you may quote me.

I've found myself missing male' more and more these couple of days. At least, I miss my friends and family. But I never ever want to go back. I know I might sound like a snobbish little bitch, but it's not that I don't love Male', coz I DO, it's just that sometimes it feels like male' suffocates me. It's like theres this paticular way you have to act,dress, and even think. Anyone who dares to be different is looked upon as a total outcast. At least that's the way it feels sometimes. And I don't like the person I turn into when I stay in Maldives for too long.

I screwed up a bit in December when I was there for end of year holidays. Everything kept piling up, family stuff, boy issues, friend problems..there were days when I honestly felt like I was going to lose it. And I guess all of that just blew up, and I didn't know how to handle it. Any of it. In the I guess I let down people I care about alot, and I saw a side to some people I respected that I never wanted to witness. These are people who've been my closest friends when I was in Malaysia, and it amazed me how much the atmosphere of a place could change a person. How they could change friendships.

I think going abroad gives you a chance to start over new. Yea, alot of people change for the worse abandoning everything they believed in, but at the same time, alot of people change for the better too. Yes, I screw up from time to time, and when I do, it's HARD, but for the most part, I like the person I'm turning into. But it's like the moment I step onto male', I morph into the me of a couple of years back. The 'me' that everyone expects me to still be. This time I'll be in male' for atleast 8 months and it scares me. I don't want to lose who I am now. I don't ever want to go back to being that image of the person some people still have of me.

So who am I now? Well, I'm focused. I know what I want in life and I know what I have to do to get it. Maybe my ambitions are too big even for myself, but the world needs people with big ambitions I think. I can't imagine my life without my friends, and I don't always see eye to eye with my family, but they have a huge impact on the decisions I make. I dance around crazily in my room and I roast marshmallows with candles. Weird? Oh yea. I can take care of myself and anyone who thinks I'm 'little' really needs to get to know me a little bit better. Do I still mess up and show off my immature 16 year old side? Yep, from time to time. But I'm working on it.

The stupidest thing I've done this year

So, it's the start of another week and as for the weekend, I have officially put in zero studying time. Just wasn't feeling it for some reason. I got insanely bored yesterday and did the stupidest thing. I don't know where it came from, but I got this sudden urge to get a haircut. Maybe it was my way of seeking out that change I've been craving for, or maybe, like I said, I was just insanely bored.

Now, getting a new hairstyle is a major decision and one to be thought out well. And trust me, you should never ever go and get an impulse haircut on your own. Oh believe me, I knew all this, so I don't know which part of my brain thought it was good idea to go alone.

I blame the 2 cans of coffee I had.

Well, you must've probably figured out that I walked out of that salon looking HIDEOUS. No, really, I'm not exaggerating. As a friend put it, I looked like a 'findhuburi kaalheh'.

-_- I really need friends who aren't so honest.

Sigh, this is how I look now. I miss my hair!

New beginnings

I do realize that since January is almost over, my first post for the new year is coming rather late. I just haven't felt like blogging lately. Maybe it's because my heads been a complete mess these past couple of weeks(it still partially is.but i digress) or maybe I'm just trying to justify my absence from the blogger world(why I feel the need to, I do not know.heh) with stupid excuses.

Oh well.

So it's a new year. I'm not dismissing off last year as completely horrible..but if I had to sum it up in one word, I guess I would have to say 'disappointing'. 2007 did have it's good, if not perfect moments, but for the most part, I'm glad it's over. Being a reasonably realistic person(although I like the odd moments with my head up in the clouds as much as the next girl), I don't doubt that there are going to be days that I'd want to lie in bed with the sheets over my head and wish it would all just go away. But hopefully they'll be more good days than bad ones. And hopefully, drama levels will be kept to a minimum this year(especially ones of the boy variety). Can't live with them, can't live without them, eh?

I suspect that A2 is going to be my key to the coo coo house. One of these days, my housemate is going to walk into my room and find me sitting on my contract law textbook, chopping off all my hair. Honestly, the work load, with the added pressure of applying to universities(the deadline is in MARCH people! argh!) is enough to send anyone over the edge. Oh well. It'll all be over in June.

So heres for new beginnings. And hopefully better endings. Happy 2008, everyone! =)



-_- What? It's still January, alrite?

Back to that place..

Why is it that I keep finding myself in this place? That place where I keep holding out and making myself find some ray of hope in a very hopeless situation. Believe me, it's worse than it actually sounds..because the thing with hope is even the slightest existence of it holds the potential for unbearable amounts of dissapointment. I know that people dont mean to give other people false hope..just like how other people dont mean to depend on this paticular false hope. But it happens. It's not fair, but it happens.

Yes, I'm very aware I must not be making much sense to anyone reading this. I guess I'm just hoping a certain someone stumbles onto this entry and sees what I've been dying to say, because when it comes down to it, everything I want to say gets reduced to a blabbering mess when in company of this certain someone...

So here goes. I just want to be worth it. Thats it. That's all it comes down to. Is it worth it?

Blogging from Lanka..

People, Juna has left the building. Or rather, country. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Malaysia and all it's luxuries(Starbucks, oh how I miss thou). And you wont hear me saying this alot, but I miss PL-1 and all its madness too...Justin, I miss bullying you..Eu Jin, I miss how you never stop horrifying me with your sense of music and Mervyn, I miss laughing at those poor souls who walk past starbucks oblivious to our sarcastic and slightly cruel jokes.

Damn. I don't sound very nice, do I? O_o

I spent slightly over 24 hours in Male' before making my way to the land of beautiful beady necklaces. And let me assure you, a very dramatic 24 hours they were. Not in a good way either. As insanely boring as it is in Sri Lanka (apart from the odd brady-bunch/hallmark family moments), I guess it's safe to say I am scared shitless of going back to Male' on Friday. I knew it was going to be hard, but I guess I undermined how painful 1.5 km of land could be. Or maybe I simply overestimated myself. Heh.

So to summarize, to this point, my holiday has been filled with drama, complicated matters of the heart, and shopping. Sigh.

Sometimes you can't make it on your own - U2

Just get it.Pls.Because this is the closest i'm getting to telling you.heh.

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need...I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -
Sing, you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

Drama

We all seem to attract it. Or maybe it attracts us...depends on the way you look at it. Chances are if you're a Maldivian, you're involvedin some form of drama or you know someone involved in some form of drama(and since male' is so incredibly tiny, you're probably connected to all parties involved and thus, it becomes your drama too). Honestly, I'm not making this up.

Just look at the divorce rate in Maldives, and theres drama..right there. Maldives tops the charts with a divorce rate of 10.97% (aww, aren't we proud) with Belarus coming up next with a rate of 4.65%. Sigh, sad innit? It's not even close.

There could be a billion reasons why our divorce rate is so high, but in my opinion, theres one factor above the rest.

Hindi.Drama.Series.

With wives chopping up husbands for the mere fun of it and evil mothers in law plotting to kill their daughters in law, is it any wonder why Maldivians feel incomplete without any drama in their lives? Just look at those dhivehi movies...most of the plots involve a mistress or 'another man' at some point in the movie. Now, I'm not putting down my country at all and most foreign movies are just the same, but the drama always seems to be worse in Male' because one persons business is everyones business.heh.

Take me, for example. I detest drama. Loathe it. Yet, here I am...jumping into it time and time again despite the wise little voice in my head telling me to run as fast as my in-the-process-of getting-toned legs can take me. Do I listen? No. And why, you may ask? 5 words...

Theres Just No Escaping It

Sigh. I digress

Cocoon - JackJohnson

based on your smile
im betting all of this might be over soon
but youre bound to win
because if im betting against you, i think id rather lose

but this is all that i have, so please
take whats left of this heart, and use
please use only what you really need
you know i only have so little, so please
mend your broken heart and leave

i know its not your style
and i can tell by the way that you move its real real soon
but im on your side
and i dont want to be your regret, id rather be your cocoon

but this is all that you have, so please
let me take whats left of your heart, and i will use
i swear ill use only what i need
i know you only have so little, so please
let me mend my broken heart

you said this was all you have
and its all i need
but blah blah blah
because it fell apart
i guess its all you knew
and all i had
but now we have
only confused hearts
i guess all we have
is really all we need

so please
lets take these broken hearts, and use
lets use only what we really need
you know we only have so little, so please
take these broken hearts and leave

How to treat a gurl 101

I can tell it's going to be another long night...my law exam is in 2 days and I still have a tonne to study(why can't I have chosen a subject that isn't constantly changing? Sigh, but I digress) I just had dinner for the second time and yes, I know how it's unhealthy to eat so late at night (indigestion and all that shit..I know, I just choose not to care at this particular moment), but it's also unhealthy to get all obsessed about your weight and what you eat and blah blah that you end up with fat issues and have to spend your Friday afternoons lying on a sofa, surrendering your soul to a shrink while he tells you about all the issues that you have until eventually, you have the urge to jump straight out of the nearest window.

Well that was dramatic.Heh.

I've been thinking...and I reckon it's time you men out there got a lesson about how to treat a girl. Enough with the mixed signals, the not calling back and juggling a million girls at once, alright? Let's face it, we might be from Venus and you guys might be from Mars, but we're stuck together now and it doesn't look like theres any escaping that fact any time soon. And frankly, most of you suck. What? It's true.


1. Be truthful. There's no need to lie.
I know, sounds simple, doesn't it? Really obvious. A complete no-brainer. Yet, it's funny how many guys forget this from time to time. Or in some cases, the majority of the time. Oh trust me, I'm not saying we females don't, but since I'm one myself, you'll have to look past my prejudice.
I'm not saying you have to be brutally, you-look-hideous honest. But if you don't appreciate our attempts to steal your affections, tell us. We might be hurt at first, but when alls said and done, it's better than being unfairly lead on .Think a particular piece of clothing we own isn't too flattering? Tell us, really, we appreciate your honest input. At least I know I do. Not that I'm saying I won't continue on wearing it if I like it. And for god's sake, if you cheat on us, be a man and 'fess up! Sure, she might break up with you and call you and ass...but you CHEATED on her...you don't need to be a bigger jerk than you already are. Just be honest.

2. If she needs to vent out about a personal problem, don't try to fix it. Just listen to her.
If she's opening up to you, congrats, she's into you enough to let you in..and she trusts you enough to show you that yes, she is indeed a human being with a less than perfect life(and if you have the urge to run away, you might need to take a peek into your pants to see your balls are still there). The chances are she just needs someone to listen to, or if she asks, for some advice. She doesn't need you to fix the problem, she's perfectly capable of that herself. Anyway, thats what her girlfriends are for. Just listen to her, k? And do not, I repeat, DO NOT tell her to calm down or chill just because you think it isn't something worth being upset over (unless in exceptional cases). It's a girl thing..please bear with us.

3. Compliment her. And genuinely mean it
I'm sure there isn't a single girl on earth who doesn't go all warm inside when the boy of her affections compliments her. I'm not saying you have to tell her how pretty she is every single minute(because that could turn seriously annoying. And well, sad). But when she makes the effort to dress up for a special night out, notice and appreciate it. And please, don't be fake about it..we can tell when you're lying.

4. Don't put her on a pedestal.
As easy as it is to think otherwise at times, we are not goddesses. Nor are you doormats. You are our boyfriends. Our equal. Yes, I know there are some personalities out there who strongly believe otherwise..but what would the world be without a couple of crazies here and there, right? I know I for one, couldn't date someone who constantly puts himself down and thinks himself unworthy of my affections. If you keep thinking you're shit, can you really blame us when we treat you as such?
5. Accept her for who she is.
At the end of the day, I think this is what everyone wants. Acceptance. Someone who adores you for the person you are. Everyone has flaws, but that's what makes a person a person. I reckon it would be annoying as hell to date someone who was perfect all the time. You might not love some of our personality traits, but we don't love every single thing you do (fart jokes? we're not too big on that) yet we still love you, don't we? If you can't accept a girl for who she really is, you shouldn't be dating her in the first place. And don't EVER try to change her. If you can't deal with some stuff, walk away. If she wants to change too, support her, but that should be up to her to decide. It all comes down to whether you respect her. If you do, you shouldn't have the need to change her, because you already respect her as a person.


There. There's a million other things you need to be doing, but I guess you'll just have to figure the rest out on your own. Honestly, it's not that hard.

It's been ages...

but I'm back. For now, anyway. Life hasn't really given me much to blog about lately....well, nothing which I can blog about that won't require some serious editing out. Thus, I've been sticking to pouring my heart out(or rather my really confused thoughts) into my journal.

Thank god I'm almost done with my AS exams(farewell, thinking skills. You shall not be missed.) I swear, they've been dragging on FOREVER. The Cambridge people are out to get us all. No shit. It's a conspiracy, I tell you...the 2007 brain drain(like the one in Iraq? never let it be said that I'm lacking in the area of trivial knowledge.heh.) My exams haven't been bad so far....better than my trials, anyway. But considering my grades ( or lack of), that's not saying much, is it? Oh well.

Well this has been an utterly yawn-worthy entry *sighs and thinks of how boring exams have made her*

Randomness

Justin told me my blog entries are very general. And they are, I guess. Or maybe it's just that I don't like total strangers reading about my inner most thoughts (which is a good thing, because my inner most thoughts are very confusing. Thus the randomness.)



Life's been very teen drama-ish lately. It's not quite there yet, but give it a couple of weeks or possibly days and it could give One tree hill a run for its money. I keep expecting myself to finish every sentence in a question mark(think As Told By Ginger...Nickelodeon) in very)annoying teen tortured soul kinda way. Oh the shame.

My AS exams are coming up and part of me is scared shitless while the rest of me couldn't care less. And that worries me. I can't afford to get any more D's(I need a minimum of 3A's. Sigh) and even though my dad insists otherwise, theres no way I'm compromising my law degree. Well, not without a fight anyway. But since my dads the one financing me...and he could easily squish me, I'm not sure how well that would work....

Heh.

Then theres issues I really really really don't want to deal with. It's not beacause I don't care, because I DO...really.....but, when you have a really good thing and that thing starts getting confusing...do you try to fix the situation while risking things getting worse...or do you DEAL with it even though you don't know how to? fix it, that is.

So here goes nothing, I'm going to step out of my nice general bubble and put myself out there. Exams are stressing me out, my parents who are alright as far as parents go, are going all parent on me and pissing me off. And I need fixing. The only thing that can fix me? A hug...from him.
Sigh....I really really need one of those.

Ok. I suck. This has been a completely general entry. Oh well, I digress.

Another random thought..

Today I had a little too much time on my hands, and anyone who knows me knows that when I have even a little bit of time with nothing to do, it usually means I drift of into completely random thoughts..

You know how when we're little we imagine ourselves as these great people with these amazing lives...pilots, lawyers, doctors, whatever...but the point is, we always assume we're going to end up to be extraordinary people who'd, just by living, bring some sort of change to the world....make some kind of impact, regardless of it's significance. I think most of us never give up on that dream . But what if one day after you step into the real world you realize that you're just ordinary? That you could just disappear and no one would have noticed that you were gone? Or ever lived, for that matter. What if you die and there's not a single thing of value you leave behind. What would have been the point of all those years of pain, joy, love and heart ache you would have gone through? Would any of that have mattered in the end?

It's kinda scary when you think about it.

Bad day..

It's only 11.20 am, and the day is going H.O.R.I.B.B.L.Y. Woke up with a sore throat and a cold and I was so incredibly sleepy that I could barely open my eyes (honestly, it should be made illegal to have classes at 8 am during ramadan.Or any other day). Thought about skipping college, but didn't think I could afford to miss any more classes this sem (mainly because I don't think my mum could take a letter about my attendance AND my result transcript). Rushed down to catch the bus and actually managed to get a seat *Gasp*. The problem? The idiot driver was too busy bitching about god knows with his homeboy to notice that there were actually people ON THE BUS. Sigh. Ended up reaching college at 8.40, (mmhmm, my class was as 8) glared at the driver who actually had the nerve to wink *Hmph!* and huffed off to hide somewhere till my next class started since I couldnt possibly show up 40 minutes late for a class.

Law was surprisngly drab as well and so friggin COLD. I don't think I caught a single word of what our lecturer was talking about(guys, fill me in later k?).

And so here I am now in the library...cold, hungry and very very grumpy. Sigh, just goes to show your day sucks without coffee.

Damn. Now I want coffee.

Dilemma..

Huge huge dilemma....

What I should have to eat roadha veellan? Pizza Hut? Nandos? Secret Recipe?

Hmm, had dominos yesterday, so I dont reckon my friends will be up for pizza..
Nandos? Nah, it reminds me of certain people I'm trying very hard not to think about...heh.
Secret Recipe? Eurgh.


I have no idea why I'm blogging about this.

Ok I should seriusly stop thinking about food.

Late nite ravings..

Why is it that when your lifes going good, everything seems to go reeeally well and when its bad, your entire world comes crashing down? I mean, is it too much to ask for a little balance (although I cant agree with the saying that too much of good thing is never good for you. If you're happy,you're happy...bottom line).

I just got my trial results and lets just say theyre no where near my uni's standards. And to make it worse, my parents have no idea exactly how I scored(I know I should just get it over with....but its scary orite?heh.) I'm soo spending all my breaks in the library...my social life can take a backseat for while.

And then theres the issue of being scared shitless about not knowing what might happen. Control freak? Nah. Not really. I'd just like to know that everything will be ok before I put my heart on the line again. It's hard keeping faith when everyone tells you the thing you're scared of is inevitable. Oh well. We shall see...

*Yawn* Sleep calls...