Juna's ravings

Stressing

2008-05-11T10:51:00.001-07:00

It's another late night and I'm up, completely insomniac yet once again. I can tell the stress is really getting to me because unlike uncountable times before, I can't blame it on coffee. Reason being, apart from the occasional moment of weakness, I have been avoiding caffeine at all costs(who knew the caramel hot chocolate at Starbucks was so incredibly good? yum).

And the reason for all this stress? Well, my A2 exams, for one thing. I've never been this completely freaked out about an exam in my life(not even my O levels..and that's saying something). So much depends on my A level results. Where will I spend the next 3 years of my life doing my degree ? Will I manage to get into UQ / Monash or will I have to settle for some mediocre university? Did I let my parents down? Would all the hopes and money they invested in me be reduced to nothing but disappointment? Would I have yet again lost another fight? I don't think I can take another loss. Sooner or later, you just get tired of losing.

Then there's having to go back to Male'. Now, it's not so much about going back home as it is about leaving Malaysia and my friends. I don't even want to think about how much I'm going to miss 'my people'. Who am I going to call for reassurance that no, I'm not a failure as a human being when my mum tells me otherwise in a moment of infuriation. Who will I call when that guy lets me down (which lets face it, he will)? I'm going to miss all those nights of girl talk at Aroo's, chilling in Starbucks with everyone and those not so surprise parties at Indah Villa we throw on everyone's b'day.

I'm going to miss my classmates too. I'm not sure if I'll see any of them again anytime soon and that sucks. For what it's worth, it was a privilege meeting everyone of you (some more than others.heh.)

And yes, Male' does scare me. I don't want to lose sight of my dreams and wake up one morning and think 'screw fighting for peace and justice, I think I'll just go and chill at dinemore garden'. I don't want to lose this sense of independence that I've discovered these last few months. I like being the 'strange little 17 year old who talks too big for her age', and I'm scared that person will be squished out of me when I go back.

But I'm going to get through the stress. The light at the end of the tunnel might look far away right now, but it's still there. And for now, that's all I need to know.

Wreck of the day

2008-02-25T19:00:00.000-08:00

I feel (and I highly suspect also look) like a wreck. So it's finally here, the day of the moot. I could barely sleep last night because the butterflies in my stomach (and not the good kind either. But then again, when it comes to butterflies is there a good kind?) wouldn't stop fluttering. The consequences? I have dark circles under my eyes, making me look like a not so cute raccoon. I also feel like collapsing on my nice, purple bed (which btw, is covered in case law). Trust me, these are not things you would want to be experiencing on the day of your first moot. With a Kings College lecturer as the judge. Presenting your case in front of zillions of law students. And the publicity people. And I hear the guys are really really good.

Oh crap.

I don't know at which point this stopped being fun and turned into, literally, a NIGHTMARE! I've never been one to shy away from large crowds. But this is beyond anything I've ever done before. It's an experience, I guess. And as Kuhan so kindly put it, the embarrassment will eventually go away.

It doesn't help that Ms. Marguerite was a total mess, either. When Miss Hot Shot Lawyer turned Lecturer starts freaking out for you, well, you know you're basically screwed. Eu jin said he was nervous. Because he forgot to wear court shoes.

Sigh. I wish that was the only thing I had to worry about as well.
Oh well. Gotta go and get ready. Wish me luck.

Clarity is just once upon a time..

2008-02-19T01:49:00.000-08:00

I have been completely stressed out for the past two weeks. I swear, mooting is making me slightly coo-coo. I wake up every morning groaning inwards thinking of the amount work to be done and the zillions(zillions= more than one should be forced to read) of cases to be read. Sigh, at this point, law school doesn't seem all that appealing.

It's strange though, despite all that stress and freaking out, life seems to be more of an..adventure..this year. I have no idea what it holds for me yet, and apart from the fact that I reeally dread going back to Male' this June after my A levels, I feel kinda excited about it all. Life hasn't been exceptionally great so far this year, but it hasn't exactly sucked either. As corny as this is going to sound, it's true what they say, life really is what you make of it. Ahh, I already feel chipper( JD, Eu jin - i told you it's a word.Don't believe the crazy maldivian eh?)

And I know no one believes me, but I honestly have moved on from that particular issue of last year. I think. At least it doesn't bug me like it used to. It's more of the friendship and not having to constantly edit myself out that I miss. It's an amazing feeling, being truly and completely understood.

But after everything that's happened last year, I could do with a little more space. It sucks sometimes, that life is forever changing and clarity is all just once upon a time. But oh well, I digress.

Rambling..

2008-01-31T22:07:00.000-08:00

I just realized I haven't shut up all day. Not once. I think this is the longest I've gone without talking all day, but since I'm rambling away here, I'm not sure that counts.

Caffeine overload,maybe? Hmm..not really, since I had just one(theres a shocker) coffee all day. Must be all the Chinese new year festivities. Yes. That must be it.

But I'm not chinese. Oh well.

Damn. I sound extremely pink, don't I? heh.

The storybook version of my life

2008-01-29T05:21:00.000-08:00

In the storybook version of my life I would be sipping a Caramel Macchiato in Starbucks. The Starbucks that overlooks that ferris wheel. That ferris wheel which always flills me up with momentary happiness for some completely unknown reason. I love that ferris wheel. I'd be in that Starbucks which isn't filled with happy memories of life as I formerly knew it. Memories which come loathed in the life as I know it now. But then again, that's another story.

It would be sunset. The sunset would be at that perfect angle, giving the world that perfect orangish/red tint that would make everything seem..perfect. It would be drizzling a bit too. Yes, it would definitely be drizzling in the story book version of my life. The air would have this.. magical.. feel. The kind of magical feel that I've only ever experienced going on those long walks with my dad in Leicester.

I miss Leicester. I miss my dad too.

And I'd be with that person. That smart, funny, wise person. Mature too. Slightly crazy? Yes, I think I'd like that person to be slightly crazy. We'd talk about everything. Friends, politics, life. And music. Oh yes, music is very important. That person would laugh at my jokes. That person would challenge my opinions. That person would be perfectly imperfect.

I like that person.

And then, reality happens. My room looks like I haven't cleaned it in awhile. Probably because I haven't cleaned it in awhile. My bag is lying on the bed slightly open, displaying my new tort book. I need to start reading that tort book. And I'm filled with an undeniable sense of nostalgia. Nostalgia is the worst feeling in the world, I think.

I liked the storybook version of my life better.

Completely random..

2008-01-27T18:55:00.003-08:00

It's 10.55 am and I'm at the web. My class finished early today, and not that I'm complaining, but I wish there was something to DO in college during breaks other than eat,hang out at the cafeteria or surf the net in the web. Now that Rizu's graduated, I don't really have anyone to randomnize with (is that a word? it should be a word)during breaks. Justin and Eu Jin seem to be catching up, but there's just something special about bitching in dhivehi. I mean, how do you translate words like 'thui' into english? You may come close, but it takes a true red, green and white blooded maldivian to really get the beauty of the word.

Yes, you may quote me.

I've found myself missing male' more and more these couple of days. At least, I miss my friends and family. But I never ever want to go back. I know I might sound like a snobbish little bitch, but it's not that I don't love Male', coz I DO, it's just that sometimes it feels like male' suffocates me. It's like theres this paticular way you have to act,dress, and even think. Anyone who dares to be different is looked upon as a total outcast. At least that's the way it feels sometimes. And I don't like the person I turn into when I stay in Maldives for too long.

I screwed up a bit in December when I was there for end of year holidays. Everything kept piling up, family stuff, boy issues, friend problems..there were days when I honestly felt like I was going to lose it. And I guess all of that just blew up, and I didn't know how to handle it. Any of it. In the I guess I let down people I care about alot, and I saw a side to some people I respected that I never wanted to witness. These are people who've been my closest friends when I was in Malaysia, and it amazed me how much the atmosphere of a place could change a person. How they could change friendships.

I think going abroad gives you a chance to start over new. Yea, alot of people change for the worse abandoning everything they believed in, but at the same time, alot of people change for the better too. Yes, I screw up from time to time, and when I do, it's HARD, but for the most part, I like the person I'm turning into. But it's like the moment I step onto male', I morph into the me of a couple of years back. The 'me' that everyone expects me to still be. This time I'll be in male' for atleast 8 months and it scares me. I don't want to lose who I am now. I don't ever want to go back to being that image of the person some people still have of me.

So who am I now? Well, I'm focused. I know what I want in life and I know what I have to do to get it. Maybe my ambitions are too big even for myself, but the world needs people with big ambitions I think. I can't imagine my life without my friends, and I don't always see eye to eye with my family, but they have a huge impact on the decisions I make. I dance around crazily in my room and I roast marshmallows with candles. Weird? Oh yea. I can take care of myself and anyone who thinks I'm 'little' really needs to get to know me a little bit better. Do I still mess up and show off my immature 16 year old side? Yep, from time to time. But I'm working on it.

The stupidest thing I've done this year

2008-01-27T06:50:00.000-08:00

So, it's the start of another week and as for the weekend, I have officially put in zero studying time. Just wasn't feeling it for some reason. I got insanely bored yesterday and did the stupidest thing. I don't know where it came from, but I got this sudden urge to get a haircut. Maybe it was my way of seeking out that change I've been craving for, or maybe, like I said, I was just insanely bored.

Now, getting a new hairstyle is a major decision and one to be thought out well. And trust me, you should never ever go and get an impulse haircut on your own. Oh believe me, I knew all this, so I don't know which part of my brain thought it was good idea to go alone.

I blame the 2 cans of coffee I had.

Well, you must've probably figured out that I walked out of that salon looking HIDEOUS. No, really, I'm not exaggerating. As a friend put it, I looked like a 'findhuburi kaalheh'.

-_- I really need friends who aren't so honest.

Sigh, this is how I look now. I miss my hair!

New beginnings

2008-01-25T00:03:00.001-08:00

I do realize that since January is almost over, my first post for the new year is coming rather late. I just haven't felt like blogging lately. Maybe it's because my heads been a complete mess these past couple of weeks(it still partially is.but i digress) or maybe I'm just trying to justify my absence from the blogger world(why I feel the need to, I do not know.heh) with stupid excuses.

Oh well.

So it's a new year. I'm not dismissing off last year as completely horrible..but if I had to sum it up in one word, I guess I would have to say 'disappointing'. 2007 did have it's good, if not perfect moments, but for the most part, I'm glad it's over. Being a reasonably realistic person(although I like the odd moments with my head up in the clouds as much as the next girl), I don't doubt that there are going to be days that I'd want to lie in bed with the sheets over my head and wish it would all just go away. But hopefully they'll be more good days than bad ones. And hopefully, drama levels will be kept to a minimum this year(especially ones of the boy variety). Can't live with them, can't live without them, eh?

I suspect that A2 is going to be my key to the coo coo house. One of these days, my housemate is going to walk into my room and find me sitting on my contract law textbook, chopping off all my hair. Honestly, the work load, with the added pressure of applying to universities(the deadline is in MARCH people! argh!) is enough to send anyone over the edge. Oh well. It'll all be over in June.

So heres for new beginnings. And hopefully better endings. Happy 2008, everyone! =)

-_- What? It's still January, alrite?

Back to that place..

2007-12-26T22:22:00.001-08:00

Why is it that I keep finding myself in this place? That place where I keep holding out and making myself find some ray of hope in a very hopeless situation. Believe me, it's worse than it actually sounds..because the thing with hope is even the slightest existence of it holds the potential for unbearable amounts of dissapointment. I know that people dont mean to give other people false hope..just like how other people dont mean to depend on this paticular false hope. But it happens. It's not fair, but it happens.

Yes, I'm very aware I must not be making much sense to anyone reading this. I guess I'm just hoping a certain someone stumbles onto this entry and sees what I've been dying to say, because when it comes down to it, everything I want to say gets reduced to a blabbering mess when in company of this certain someone...

So here goes. I just want to be worth it. Thats it. That's all it comes down to. Is it worth it?

Blogging from Lanka..

2007-12-05T07:40:00.000-08:00

People, Juna has left the building. Or rather, country. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Malaysia and all it's luxuries(Starbucks, oh how I miss thou). And you wont hear me saying this alot, but I miss PL-1 and all its madness too...Justin, I miss bullying you..Eu Jin, I miss how you never stop horrifying me with your sense of music and Mervyn, I miss laughing at those poor souls who walk past starbucks oblivious to our sarcastic and slightly cruel jokes.

Damn. I don't sound very nice, do I? O_o

I spent slightly over 24 hours in Male' before making my way to the land of beautiful beady necklaces. And let me assure you, a very dramatic 24 hours they were. Not in a good way either. As insanely boring as it is in Sri Lanka (apart from the odd brady-bunch/hallmark family moments), I guess it's safe to say I am scared shitless of going back to Male' on Friday. I knew it was going to be hard, but I guess I undermined how painful 1.5 km of land could be. Or maybe I simply overestimated myself. Heh.

So to summarize, to this point, my holiday has been filled with drama, complicated matters of the heart, and shopping. Sigh.

Sometimes you can't make it on your own - U2

2007-11-18T08:56:00.000-08:00

Just get it.Pls.Because this is the closest i'm getting to telling you.heh.

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need...I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -
Sing, you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

Drama

2007-11-14T03:05:00.000-08:00

We all seem to attract it. Or maybe it attracts us...depends on the way you look at it. Chances are if you're a Maldivian, you're involvedin some form of drama or you know someone involved in some form of drama(and since male' is so incredibly tiny, you're probably connected to all parties involved and thus, it becomes your drama too). Honestly, I'm not making this up.

Just look at the divorce rate in Maldives, and theres drama..right there. Maldives tops the charts with a divorce rate of 10.97% (aww, aren't we proud) with Belarus coming up next with a rate of 4.65%. Sigh, sad innit? It's not even close.

There could be a billion reasons why our divorce rate is so high, but in my opinion, theres one factor above the rest.

Hindi.Drama.Series.

With wives chopping up husbands for the mere fun of it and evil mothers in law plotting to kill their daughters in law, is it any wonder why Maldivians feel incomplete without any drama in their lives? Just look at those dhivehi movies...most of the plots involve a mistress or 'another man' at some point in the movie. Now, I'm not putting down my country at all and most foreign movies are just the same, but the drama always seems to be worse in Male' because one persons business is everyones business.heh.

Take me, for example. I detest drama. Loathe it. Yet, here I am...jumping into it time and time again despite the wise little voice in my head telling me to run as fast as my in-the-process-of getting-toned legs can take me. Do I listen? No. And why, you may ask? 5 words...

Theres Just No Escaping It

Sigh. I digress

Cocoon - JackJohnson

2007-11-14T01:26:00.000-08:00

based on your smile
im betting all of this might be over soon
but youre bound to win
because if im betting against you, i think id rather lose

but this is all that i have, so please
take whats left of this heart, and use
please use only what you really need
you know i only have so little, so please
mend your broken heart and leave

i know its not your style
and i can tell by the way that you move its real real soon
but im on your side
and i dont want to be your regret, id rather be your cocoon

but this is all that you have, so please
let me take whats left of your heart, and i will use
i swear ill use only what i need
i know you only have so little, so please
let me mend my broken heart

you said this was all you have
and its all i need
but blah blah blah
because it fell apart
i guess its all you knew
and all i had
but now we have
only confused hearts
i guess all we have
is really all we need

so please
lets take these broken hearts, and use
lets use only what we really need
you know we only have so little, so please
take these broken hearts and leave

How to treat a gurl 101

2007-11-12T08:51:00.000-08:00

I can tell it's going to be another long night...my law exam is in 2 days and I still have a tonne to study(why can't I have chosen a subject that isn't constantly changing? Sigh, but I digress) I just had dinner for the second time and yes, I know how it's unhealthy to eat so late at night (indigestion and all that shit..I know, I just choose not to care at this particular moment), but it's also unhealthy to get all obsessed about your weight and what you eat and blah blah that you end up with fat issues and have to spend your Friday afternoons lying on a sofa, surrendering your soul to a shrink while he tells you about all the issues that you have until eventually, you have the urge to jump straight out of the nearest window.

Well that was dramatic.Heh.

I've been thinking...and I reckon it's time you men out there got a lesson about how to treat a girl. Enough with the mixed signals, the not calling back and juggling a million girls at once, alright? Let's face it, we might be from Venus and you guys might be from Mars, but we're stuck together now and it doesn't look like theres any escaping that fact any time soon. And frankly, most of you suck. What? It's true.

1. Be truthful. There's no need to lie.
I know, sounds simple, doesn't it? Really obvious. A complete no-brainer. Yet, it's funny how many guys forget this from time to time. Or in some cases, the majority of the time. Oh trust me, I'm not saying we females don't, but since I'm one myself, you'll have to look past my prejudice.
I'm not saying you have to be brutally, you-look-hideous honest. But if you don't appreciate our attempts to steal your affections, tell us. We might be hurt at first, but when alls said and done, it's better than being unfairly lead on .Think a particular piece of clothing we own isn't too flattering? Tell us, really, we appreciate your honest input. At least I know I do. Not that I'm saying I won't continue on wearing it if I like it. And for god's sake, if you cheat on us, be a man and 'fess up! Sure, she might break up with you and call you and ass...but you CHEATED on her...you don't need to be a bigger jerk than you already are. Just be honest.

2. If she needs to vent out about a personal problem, don't try to fix it. Just listen to her.
If she's opening up to you, congrats, she's into you enough to let you in..and she trusts you enough to show you that yes, she is indeed a human being with a less than perfect life(and if you have the urge to run away, you might need to take a peek into your pants to see your balls are still there). The chances are she just needs someone to listen to, or if she asks, for some advice. She doesn't need you to fix the problem, she's perfectly capable of that herself. Anyway, thats what her girlfriends are for. Just listen to her, k? And do not, I repeat, DO NOT tell her to calm down or chill just because you think it isn't something worth being upset over (unless in exceptional cases). It's a girl thing..please bear with us.

3. Compliment her. And genuinely mean it
I'm sure there isn't a single girl on earth who doesn't go all warm inside when the boy of her affections compliments her. I'm not saying you have to tell her how pretty she is every single minute(because that could turn seriously annoying. And well, sad). But when she makes the effort to dress up for a special night out, notice and appreciate it. And please, don't be fake about it..we can tell when you're lying.

4. Don't put her on a pedestal.
As easy as it is to think otherwise at times, we are not goddesses. Nor are you doormats. You are our boyfriends. Our equal. Yes, I know there are some personalities out there who strongly believe otherwise..but what would the world be without a couple of crazies here and there, right? I know I for one, couldn't date someone who constantly puts himself down and thinks himself unworthy of my affections. If you keep thinking you're shit, can you really blame us when we treat you as such?
5. Accept her for who she is.
At the end of the day, I think this is what everyone wants. Acceptance. Someone who adores you for the person you are. Everyone has flaws, but that's what makes a person a person. I reckon it would be annoying as hell to date someone who was perfect all the time. You might not love some of our personality traits, but we don't love every single thing you do (fart jokes? we're not too big on that) yet we still love you, don't we? If you can't accept a girl for who she really is, you shouldn't be dating her in the first place. And don't EVER try to change her. If you can't deal with some stuff, walk away. If she wants to change too, support her, but that should be up to her to decide. It all comes down to whether you respect her. If you do, you shouldn't have the need to change her, because you already respect her as a person.

There. There's a million other things you need to be doing, but I guess you'll just have to figure the rest out on your own. Honestly, it's not that hard.

It's been ages...

2007-11-10T02:02:00.000-08:00

but I'm back. For now, anyway. Life hasn't really given me much to blog about lately....well, nothing which I can blog about that won't require some serious editing out. Thus, I've been sticking to pouring my heart out(or rather my really confused thoughts) into my journal.

Thank god I'm almost done with my AS exams(farewell, thinking skills. You shall not be missed.) I swear, they've been dragging on FOREVER. The Cambridge people are out to get us all. No shit. It's a conspiracy, I tell you...the 2007 brain drain(like the one in Iraq? never let it be said that I'm lacking in the area of trivial knowledge.heh.) My exams haven't been bad so far....better than my trials, anyway. But considering my grades ( or lack of), that's not saying much, is it? Oh well.

Well this has been an utterly yawn-worthy entry *sighs and thinks of how boring exams have made her*

Randomness

2007-10-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Justin told me my blog entries are very general. And they are, I guess. Or maybe it's just that I don't like total strangers reading about my inner most thoughts (which is a good thing, because my inner most thoughts are very confusing. Thus the randomness.)

Life's been very teen drama-ish lately. It's not quite there yet, but give it a couple of weeks or possibly days and it could give One tree hill a run for its money. I keep expecting myself to finish every sentence in a question mark(think As Told By Ginger...Nickelodeon) in very)annoying teen tortured soul kinda way. Oh the shame.

My AS exams are coming up and part of me is scared shitless while the rest of me couldn't care less. And that worries me. I can't afford to get any more D's(I need a minimum of 3A's. Sigh) and even though my dad insists otherwise, theres no way I'm compromising my law degree. Well, not without a fight anyway. But since my dads the one financing me...and he could easily squish me, I'm not sure how well that would work....

Heh.

Then theres issues I really really really don't want to deal with. It's not beacause I don't care, because I DO...really.....but, when you have a really good thing and that thing starts getting confusing...do you try to fix the situation while risking things getting worse...or do you DEAL with it even though you don't know how to? fix it, that is.

So here goes nothing, I'm going to step out of my nice general bubble and put myself out there. Exams are stressing me out, my parents who are alright as far as parents go, are going all parent on me and pissing me off. And I need fixing. The only thing that can fix me? A hug...from him.
Sigh....I really really need one of those.

Ok. I suck. This has been a completely general entry. Oh well, I digress.

Another random thought..

2007-09-30T04:46:00.000-07:00

Today I had a little too much time on my hands, and anyone who knows me knows that when I have even a little bit of time with nothing to do, it usually means I drift of into completely random thoughts..

You know how when we're little we imagine ourselves as these great people with these amazing lives...pilots, lawyers, doctors, whatever...but the point is, we always assume we're going to end up to be extraordinary people who'd, just by living, bring some sort of change to the world....make some kind of impact, regardless of it's significance. I think most of us never give up on that dream . But what if one day after you step into the real world you realize that you're just ordinary? That you could just disappear and no one would have noticed that you were gone? Or ever lived, for that matter. What if you die and there's not a single thing of value you leave behind. What would have been the point of all those years of pain, joy, love and heart ache you would have gone through? Would any of that have mattered in the end?

It's kinda scary when you think about it.

Bad day..

2007-09-26T20:19:00.000-07:00

It's only 11.20 am, and the day is going H.O.R.I.B.B.L.Y. Woke up with a sore throat and a cold and I was so incredibly sleepy that I could barely open my eyes (honestly, it should be made illegal to have classes at 8 am during ramadan.Or any other day). Thought about skipping college, but didn't think I could afford to miss any more classes this sem (mainly because I don't think my mum could take a letter about my attendance AND my result transcript). Rushed down to catch the bus and actually managed to get a seat *Gasp*. The problem? The idiot driver was too busy bitching about god knows with his homeboy to notice that there were actually people ON THE BUS. Sigh. Ended up reaching college at 8.40, (mmhmm, my class was as 8) glared at the driver who actually had the nerve to wink *Hmph!* and huffed off to hide somewhere till my next class started since I couldnt possibly show up 40 minutes late for a class.

Law was surprisngly drab as well and so friggin COLD. I don't think I caught a single word of what our lecturer was talking about(guys, fill me in later k?).

And so here I am now in the library...cold, hungry and very very grumpy. Sigh, just goes to show your day sucks without coffee.

Damn. Now I want coffee.

Dilemma..

2007-09-24T21:47:00.001-07:00

Huge huge dilemma....

What I should have to eat roadha veellan? Pizza Hut? Nandos? Secret Recipe?

Hmm, had dominos yesterday, so I dont reckon my friends will be up for pizza..
Nandos? Nah, it reminds me of certain people I'm trying very hard not to think about...heh.
Secret Recipe? Eurgh.

I have no idea why I'm blogging about this.

Ok I should seriusly stop thinking about food.

Late nite ravings..

2007-09-22T13:38:00.001-07:00

Why is it that when your lifes going good, everything seems to go reeeally well and when its bad, your entire world comes crashing down? I mean, is it too much to ask for a little balance (although I cant agree with the saying that too much of good thing is never good for you. If you're happy,you're happy...bottom line).

I just got my trial results and lets just say theyre no where near my uni's standards. And to make it worse, my parents have no idea exactly how I scored(I know I should just get it over with....but its scary orite?heh.) I'm soo spending all my breaks in the library...my social life can take a backseat for while.

And then theres the issue of being scared shitless about not knowing what might happen. Control freak? Nah. Not really. I'd just like to know that everything will be ok before I put my heart on the line again. It's hard keeping faith when everyone tells you the thing you're scared of is inevitable. Oh well. We shall see...

*Yawn* Sleep calls...

Life...

2007-09-17T02:53:00.000-07:00

Life's a funny thing. You can be one person today and this completely different person the next day. I used to be scared shitless of change...and I guess a part of me still is. But lately, I've come to realize that evolving is a good thing. Yea, it probably means an endless road to self discovery, but it's exciting ya know?

I think I've changed a lot over the years(obviously eh? I mean, I used to live on pizza shaped candy *shudder*) , but this year has been THE year. I think I was quite lost at the beginning of 2007 as is to be expected I guess...new country, new friends and all that shit. I was wound up so tight for the fear of messing up or god forbid, failing. I was trying so hard not to change that somewhere along the way a I lost a little bit of myself and I stopped having fun altogether.
Then it just got so fucking HARD. Sure, I was getting pretty good grades and I was making my parents happy by being the good little girl who stayed at home and studied....but honestly, when was that ever me?

But these past 2 months or so, I started rediscovering myself bit by bit. And I've realized something; the old me together with some minor modification aint too bad.

So yea, change can be good.

Gud or bad?

2007-09-06T07:22:00.000-07:00

I'm talking about long distance relationships. The question is, do they have the slightest chance of working out without having to devote your whole life to it or are they just best avoided? I mean, normal relationships are hard enough right? So when you add on the whole mis communication factor plus trust issues and everything else that could possibly go in relationships, the answer is quite simple...rite...?
Now look at it from this angle. True, long distance is the ultimate test for any relationship. So let's say miracles of all miracles you guys actually DO manage to get through it? Doesn't that prove what you have is solid? That whatever you guys went through was oh so worth it? Is it possible, that on some level, that long distance is actually.....good? Maybe its true...maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder.
So the question remains, long distance-is it worth the shot?

Ok, so I suck..

2007-08-29T21:11:00.000-07:00

I know I know, I've been seriusly neglecting my blog but cmon, how many people read this anyway? I miss my chatbox...you see, I was editing my template *ahem ahem Ian, I'll get you for this* and the next thing I know, it's gone. Oh well.

So I'm in the middle of my trials. Surprisingly, it hasn't been all that bad. I think I might be able to pass (but when has a pass ever been enough eh?) and I've even been able to keep down my stress to a reasonable level. It seems almost too easy and thats troubling. Call me emo, but once life starts getting too good it seems its never too long before everything comes crashing down. Heh.

See, I have no idea what to blog about anymore. It's not that I have nothing to say....oh believe me, I've never been one to keep quiet and my lifes been extremely...interesting...lately. But it's like you actually have to BE there to get all this stuff,you know? Ah..I digress.

The return...

2007-08-02T03:22:00.000-07:00

I know I know, I've been really slack with this lately. Theres just been so much happening these days and I guess I've been too busy living in the moment( *cough* *gag* cheesy line alert.but i digress) . And by the time I think I might blog about everything going on, something else would have happened and I'd just end up not blogging about it at all. Heh.

And my trials are coming up. Sigh. It's like a never ending vicious cycle of exams. I wish I could say I've been studying my butt off, but the truth is, apart from my assignments and studying for the occasional class test, I've seriously been neglecting my books. Oh well. I'll start next week.But now that I think about it, I might've said that last week as well....

Uhoh.

I'm back :D

2007-07-24T04:55:00.001-07:00

So, after months of stressing, being miserable and just not being myself, I've come to the most obvious decision on earth. I'm done trying to be something I'm not. I'm hyper, I get excited without any reason whatsoever, I'm loud, I say stuff that people find very very weird, I HATE pop(I'm more of a alternrock/soft rock kinda gurl) and I'm HAPPY! I know I have a weird accent which isn't exactly maldivian, malaysian or indian (I'm not quite sure what it is) and I'm sorry if it isn't 'brown' enough for some people (haha, trust me, that wasn't my choice of words) but I like it :). I think it's interesting, and if it's weird or whatever, so be it.

And yes, I'm 16. Get over it already.

I'm done with feeling upset everytime someone calls me ugly indirectly. Just because I'm new in Malaysia and I'm little doesn't mean I can't be a bitch. I just choose not to be most of the time.

Am I a pain in the ass at times? that I am(see, acceptance is good.heh). But I have some amazing friends who love me just the way I am. And if I'm too immature for some people, just imagine what other people must be saying about you.heh.

So to everyone who has been HORRIBLE to me over the months...
You.Can't.Break.Me.

And for those really really nice people I've met, I mean no offense to you whatsoever, and I love you guys for being such good friends to me.

Dhivehinnah: Yeah, I'm back:D and...thanx for bitching with me.

Tagged

2007-07-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

So I've been tagged too

1) Three Things I can't do:
- Listen to rap. Seriusly. I just cant.
- Whistle...how stupid is that?:P
- Hide my feelings very well...hehe....and that tends to get me into all kinda messes.

2) Three things I can do:
- Stick by my beliefs regardless of peer preasure oh watever
- Shop for hours and hours and hours
- Eat alot of ice cream. Honestly, I don't know anyone else who loves it like I do.

3) Three things that scare me:
- Not having a happy ending
- People changing
- Not living upto my own expectations of myself

4) Three things I love:
- Cuddling :) but not with just anyone of course..hehe
- CHOCOLATE!
- Hanging out with my gurls

5) Three things I hate:
- Back stabbers
- People who think they kno me when they dont kno me.at all.
- Racist people

Well now, I will tag these three lovely people.
- Luzzio
- Justin
- Moon

Blogging from the web

2007-07-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

I'm bored. I finished class at 10 today(wuhoo just one class) Well, I skipped thinking skills but cmon, it's thinking skills. I fail to see the whole point in the subject since it never seems like we make any progress in it and australian universities don't even consider it a subject. And yeah, i suck at it.Heh. Which is kind of embarassing since it's called 'thinking skills' and me getting a D in it basically means I can't think. But I got ok marks in my other subjects, so that clearly shows my thinking ability aint too bad...so really, they should rename the subject.

Annnyways, after business class I spent an hour in the library studying offer and acceptance for our law test on Monday as I have no intention of studying too much during the weekend because,well, it's the weekend. Urgh! Honestly, contract law is soo complicated and there are so many cases to memorise! And to think we were complaing about ELS. But I guess I should get used to this if I intend to study law in uni. Hmm...I'm still trying to decide whether I should do a double major in l law/econs, law/journalism or law/politics. The latter seems the most appealing although I don't reckon dads going to be too pleased. He wants me to stay as far away from politics as possible and he does have a point. I mean, my dads not a politician exactly, but me and my sister have gotten enough crap from people because of his job and I know he's faced much,much worse stuff. People just don't seem to realize that a job doesn't define a person. Sigh, oh well. But anyway, I don't intend to get into the Maldivian politics...I want to work as a lawyer in the UN hopefully. Hmm... I guess I should try to actually get into a decent uni first.Heh. At the moment, I need to get a minimum grade of AAB to get into Monash or an ABB if I decide to settle for UQ. But I dont want to settle, I'm done with settling.

Dream girl - Dave Matthews Band

2007-07-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

I would dig a hole all the way to China
Unless of course I was there
then I’d dig my way home
If by diggin’ I could steal
the wind from the sails
of the greedy men who ruled the world

Still you’re my best friend
And after a good, good drunk
You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep
Where I was Dreamin’, I was Dreamin’ of a
Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl

I was feelin’ like a creep
As I watched you asleep
Face down in the grass,in the park,
in the middle
of a hot afternoon
Your top was untied
And I thought how nice
It’d be to follow the sweat down your spine

You’re like my best friend
aw after a good, good drunk
You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep
Where I was Dreamin’, I was Dreamin’ of a
Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl

Caught by a wave
my back to the ocean it knocks me off my feet and
just as I find my footing
here you come again
Dreamgirl, aww Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl,
Dreamgirl,
(

1 down, 9 more to go..

2007-07-16T05:45:00.000-07:00

The fasts that I have to replace before Ramadan, that is. Considering that it starts in September, it's a bit of a rush I guess, but what can I say, I love my food. Heh. Ok, so maybe I can't exactly finish it most of the time, but I do love what I do manage to eat. And when was the last time anyone saw me unable to finish chocolate anyway? Chocolate qualifies for food,right?

Today was extreeeemely tiring and very....strange. I woke up at 5 am to have my breakfast and figured I would just stay awake. Hah. I really should stop making stupid decisions like that so early in the morning. I spent the rest of the day regretting it, walking around like a zombie, talking a mile a minute about god knows what. Oh god, I don't even remember most of what I said. Justin claims I was being 'very honest' with my opinions today. Sigh, something tells me that's not a good thing.

I've been listening to alot of Damien Rice and Elvis Perkins these days(good stuff, but you might not want to try it if you're into stuff like say...rihanna?). I've figured, it's ok to be sad once in awhile as long as it's something worth being sad over. At least that's what my mums always told me and my sis. This homesickness is probably just a passing thing after my hols...ahh,we shall see. Hmm soon enough, I'll be listening to the Kooks and Arctic Monkeys again (=

A thousand splendid suns

2007-07-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

That's the title of this book I'm reading(thanx again mervyn). It's by an author called Khaled Hosseini and it's about the lives of two incredible afghan women. I haven't even finished the book yet, but it's already breaking my heart thinking about the injustice these women have to go through....it makes me appreciate my life just that little bit more. It makes me wonder how we could all follow the same faith, yet, interpret it so differently?

I wouldn't call myself very religious, but I am pretty big on the key points like praying and stuff and when it comes down to it, yes, I love my religion and I refuse to believe that it could stand for so much violence and injustice. I refuse to believe that men are superior to women. Are we different? Well, I can't imagine a man giving birth or women doing many of the things that men do,we're just not born that way. But are we equal? That, I believe without a doubt. For everyone that believes otherwise, it's time they opened their eyes and stepped into the 21st century.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger

2007-07-13T03:08:00.000-07:00

And I believe that, I honestly do, but sometimes, it's just so HARD when the bad stuff keeps on happening because sooner or later, you just get tired of trying. This past year in paticular, has been extremely hard...which is to be expected because all your problems seem to get bigger as you grow up(remember when wanting that doll house was the biggest of your worries?heh.) and it's not exactly easy living in a country which is completely foreign to you. But, sometimes I just wish life would give me a break, sigh....because it's just too hard. Just way too hard.

And then there are extremely complicated boy issues(can't live with them,can't live without them *unhappy sigh*) I don't really want to get into the details, but when you realize you mean something to the guy you like,just not ENOUGH, that hurts. I don't blame him, he has his reasons...and if it were any other guy, I would probably do the same. The thing is though, while I have exactly the same reasons for not wanting to be with a guy right now, with him, I know it might actually work. Because it comes down to this; he's not just some other guy...he's THAT guy and always has been, we're both just a little older now. At least I would like to think so. But oh well.

Well, this has been one very emo post. But it's alright, I'll be alright. Afterall, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger...right?

And so it begins again...

2007-07-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

..and not surprisingly, has a single thing changed. Just more breaks. Joy. Oh believe me,those breaks would have been greatly appreciated if I lived somewhere nearby and I could run home(or rather walk slowly) to catch a quick shut eye or something. But as it is and there is absolutely nothing productive to do AT ALL during my normal 3 hour breaks, those breaks come detested. Detested! Sigh, I know it's been 6 months but I'm still not used to the malaysian way of life. I haven't even been able to master the language of 'lahs,mas and mehs' yet! And that's saying alot. And how I miss having a biiig group of friends around as I would in Male'. Hmm...maybe I should have joined CHSE. Heh. I dont dislike Malaysia THAT much.

But honestly speaking,chilling with Justin and Mervyn at AC,cafe'and starbucks does have a certain appeal. We dont go to Cabanna much these days(and I cant say I'm paticularly upset about this fact). Now that I think about it, it's probably because we dont hang out with the girls these days who were the ones that always insisted on going to Cabanna in the first place. Sometimes I wonder if thats how I act around my girl friends back in Male'.Maybe.Probably. So why can't I fit it or even want to fit in with my most of my female friends here? Most guys, I instantly click with, but the girls always leave me feeling like my brains too big for my head. And that hardly ever happaned in Maldives. Oh well. I like feeling smart.

Coming to the acedamics, the CAL office people(god bless their little souls) assigned us one of the best economics teachers at taylors. Sadly, we're still stuck with Sunthary for our tutorials. Oh how I dislike her teaching...it's like she sucks all the knowledge out of our brains and it then vanishes into thin air, never to be seen again. Hmm..that reminds me, she's on MC so class doesnt start till 9 tomorro (late class = one extra hour of sleep *happy sigh*). We even start at 9 on Mondays and Wednesdays. Ahh, Sem 2 at Taylors might not be too bad afterall.

Male'...

2007-07-01T08:38:00.000-07:00

I miss it already. It hasn't been one day since I left,but I want to go back soooooo bad. I miss everyone. Sigh,6 more months to go.

MSN

2007-06-20T09:21:00.000-07:00

I'd never thought I'd say this,but I'm coming to detest MSN. It's funny, just a year ago MSN was practically my whole social life(yes,I was a very sad little girl) and now, it's starting to seriously annoy me. Apart from a few exceptions, I hardly ever talk to people even when I do sign in and I know I probably come off as boring/snobbish or a bit of both. In reality, I'm as far from quiet as you can get and I'll offer you details about my life even when you dont really want them.heh

It's just that on msn, words are just words, where as when you're having a face to face conversation, those words are backed with emotions. But words on msn are just put out there, and you can us them however you want. And some people are just very hard to read. Sigh, but thats a completely different issue.

That, up there, is the result of going too many days without randomly raving.heh.

Anyways quick male' update for my malaysian peeps; Haven't had a chance to test out that beautful blue sea just yet but hopefully I will this weekend or something. Been mostly out visiting relatives since friends are either scattered around the world or are too busy agonizing over the fact that school starts for them on sunday.Poor kids. Hmm, I'm starting to miss the PL1 craziness a bit.

Crap. I just realized that our results come out next week. *Faints*

How's it going to be?

2007-06-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

I wonder how it's going to be

When you don't know me

How's it going to be

When you're sure

I'm not there

How's it going to be

When there's no one there to talk to

Between you and me

Cause I don't care

How's it going to going to be

2 a.m

2007-06-09T11:57:00.000-07:00

..and I'm still awake. Now, i know what you're thinking, knowing how I work, I must be obsessing about something totally random,right? Well, I'm not. At least I dont think so. And you don't know how I work(well most of you reading this dont, which I'm assuming is very,very few judging from the amounts of comments I've recieved *ahem*)

No, I'm blaming my insomnia on that despicable but oh so wonderful can of nescafe'. For all those skeptics out there who claim that caffeine doesn't do anything for your sleep and it's all in your head, it IS in my head. Otherwise I wouldn't be blaming my insomnia on that can of coffee in the first place, would I? heh.

Okay, I didn't get what I just said either.

Sigh, I just know I'm going to be regretting staying up this late tomorrow morning when I'm trying desperately to revise my business studies. I'm going to the ICPU prom in the evening. Oh, and did I mention I have my sem 1 exams the day after? It's at moments like this I wish my mum didn't raise me to be such a girl. If I wasn't such a girl I wouldnt have wanted to go to the prom and get all dressed up. And if I wasn't planning on going to the prom, I would have more time to study and wouldn't be worrying about my state of mind in the morning. But I digress.

And then theres law. Yes, I like the subject, yes, I like my law class classmates and yes, I have every intention of becoming a lawyer. But seriously, it's just downright EVIL to expect us to study the WHOLE TEXTBOOK for our sem 1 exam! The stupid book has 20 chapters, by the time I finish reading the 20th chapter, I've already forgotten everything in the first 5 chapters. It's a conspiracy I tell you!

Well folks, that's pretty much everything going through the mind of Juna tonight. My minds still on overdrive, but the rest of my thoughts are way too muddled up for me to even think about trying to make out what my brains trying to tell me. And then theres the question of whether I really even want to know. Or tell you even if I did, for that matter.heh.

So back to bed it is.

Doing the Maldivia dance

2007-06-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

No, that wasn't a typo...Maldivia sounds so much more interesting than Maldives, dont ya think? You know, like the mythical country of Geneva from the princess diaries series? God bless you Luzzio, for coming up with the word.....maldivia thanks you.

Annnnyways....my sem exams are coming up on Monday *faints* and my stress level is well, quite high. So the wise little voice that's very recently began to show itself told me that I should concentrate on all the postive things in my life that makes me want to do a happy little maldivia dance at the hope that all the stress and pressure doesnt eat me whole.

I'm going bak to male' soon *does little maldivia dance* I just hope it turns out as good as I hope it will

I've covered all the business studies topics, 3/4 of law and 1\2 of econs *does little maldivia dance*

I've narrowed done my uni choices, its either UQ,uni of adeleide or monash...melbourne u is abolishing their undergraduate law program.
*does little maldivia dance*

I got an A in my business studies test *does little maldivia dance*

I've overcome my confrontation issues *does little maldivia dance* So for all the people who've pushed me around over the years, be afraid...be very afraid:P

I'm tired.

Elevator etiquette

2007-06-04T01:25:00.000-07:00

Don't you just hate it when people give you the 'look' when you get into lifts? I swear, by the way they scan you, it's like theyre trying to look deep into your soul and laughing on the inside by what they see. The worst are those who stare at one paticular piece of your clothing, then look at your face and slowly turn away with this annoying little smirk as to say 'Aww you poor thing, you actually think that those fugly shoes look good on you'.heh

Ok, I can't help wincing whenever I see someone proudly wearing a pair of crocs. But cmon, its CROCS...possibly the most hideous and unbelievably overpriced type of shoes ever made in the history of shoes. I dont care how comfortable or how good for your feet they are, the fact remains that theyre Ugly.Hideous.Gruesome.Grotesque. I beleieve they belong to the wellington family(wellington as in gumboots...not the weird but adorable bear), and you wouldn't go around wearing them day in and day out, would you? Exactly.

For everyone living happly in oblivion of this hideosity, kindly look at the picture below and see them for yourself

And for all those croc lovers out there, no offense? We all have different tastes right? So please don't run me over infront of college tomorrow morning?

Who Knew?

2007-05-31T19:40:00.000-07:00

People surprise you. Just as you think you've got them wrapped in a nutshell, they turn around and prove you wrong. And lately, that's been a really good thing because I've been very pleasently surprised. I never imagined I'd have somewhat of a decent conversation with these people, but I did. And let's hope there's more to come. So much for superficial judegement eh? heh.

Not that I'm saying I've always been just pleasently surprised. I've had a couple of 'encounters' (if that's what you want to call it) with some people here that's made me want to get on the first flight back to Male'. Most of the time they're quite nice people, but sometimes I wonder if they're MY kind of people(my kind = well, I dont know really). We just dont seem to be on the same wave length. Oh well.

Public announcment

2007-05-30T06:25:00.000-07:00

To all the guys out there who are either trying to get over an ex, trying to move on from THE gurl or just you know having plain old gurl issues....

STOP HITTING ON OTHER GURLS! No, REALLY!

It may seem like a fast way to get over your issues...but what its really doing is pissing us off!! Especially if we know you're only trying to get over ur exes and we never really liked you in that way to begin with! And have you ever considered that some of us might like a little space to actually be nice to you and for you guys not to think we 'like' like you?!

And if you know the gurl likes you but you're only flirting with her as a sort of distraction to get over someone...well, you're an ass. Imagine the gurl you like doing that to you...hurts doesnt it?

Rite.

Seriusly, it's time...

2007-05-30T04:11:00.000-07:00

....time to get a life apart from cyberworld that is. Judging from the time I spend in cyberworld(cyberworld=msn,facebook,wikipedia,blogs), I guess it would be somewhat hypocritical to say that I don't love it so much anymore. It's addicting I tell ya! *Imagines going to a FA meeting* (facebookers anonymous)

Hi! I'm juna....and I'm a facebook addict. Ok that was lame.heh.

But anyways, MSN is starting to bore me. I see the same old people online day after day, and at this point, a face to face conversation seems far more appealing. Are they really the same people they come off to be in real life? Proabably not. Am I? I would like to think so....but really, who knows?

Even my body seems to be complaining about all this computer time...I guess it would rather I did something else like jogging. When was the last time I went jogging again? Sometime long long ago....let's just leave it at that.
I've never been one to get upset over a couple of extra pounds(although it does get annoying when someone else hints that I should get some excercise.ouch). Those who continue to love me will love me regardless of how much I weigh.....and I will continue to feel good about myself. Yea, my parents raised me right.hehe...

But no, I need to get out...or do something else at least. Exams are coming up in a week....so I guess I should get some studying done. Studying...thats something new to do.Rite?

Songs that I've completly fallen in love with lately

2007-05-29T07:29:00.001-07:00

Here's a list of new songs that I've fallen head over heels in love with. If your taste in music is anything like mine(my taste = - heavy metal,bubble gum pop,rap..), you'll probably love them too. Most of them are songs I've heard in random places(starbucks has the best music,no?) and some are songs reccomended by friends..

I saw stars - Marcy's playground
Sex and candy - Marcy's playground
High and Dry - Radiohead
Call me papa - Donovan Frankreiter
You're so true - Joseph Arthur
I can't make me - Butterfly Boucher
Dude(I totally miss you) - Tenacious D
What if - Coldplay
Closer to myself - Kendall Payne
Forever Love - Anna nalick
I wanna love you - Robin Thicke(yes,believe it:P)

I've been thinking...

2007-05-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

Yes people, I've been thinking yet again. Thats what I do ok? I think about things which I have absoultely no control over whatsoever, and then I analyse it to the tiniest detail.Then, I freak out.heh.

Annnnyways point being, I've been thinking about life. Believe me, I've had to think about alot of stuff due to recent findings which I do not care to discuss in my blog. And no, I don't usually talk like a stuck up british prude(not that all british people are stuck up.or prude.or even talk like that....*hides*)

First issue at hand; the uni thing. I have one friggin YEAR to decide where I want to go for sure and months to decide where to apply. The worst thing that could happen? Not getting into Uni of Melbourne or all the other unis with impossinly high entry requirements?. Well as far as I'm concerned..screw Melbourne. There are tons of other universities in aussie right? It's not like dad's gonna let me suffer here alone while the rest of the family is over there. And even if I do manage to get into it, I'm starting to have second thoughts.....

And then theres the whole relationship issue. I wish people would stop rushing me to date other guys and let me take my own sweet time. No, it's not because I'm not ready. I can't make myself fall for some guy just for the sake of it alrite? I have high standards people! Kidding. Well, kind of.heh. I've got my priorities straightned out , and the last thing I need now is to get serious with some guy *wonders if she's scared potential prince charming away*. But honestly, this guy has to be pretty damn amazing for me to consider a relationship at this point.
Not that I'm saying I'm not hoping he doesnt come along :P

Cannonball - Damien Rice

2007-05-25T07:39:00.001-07:00

I fell in love with this song the moment I heard it on tv. So the lyrics are a tad bit depressing...but he manages to sum up that feeling of trying to move on, but not being able to bring yourself to do that because you're scared shitless so well. Or is it just me? heh. Anyways, I used to listen to this song alot a coupla months bak. Then I just stopped because it brought back horrible memories that I could do without forever. But I just thought I'd listen to it again the other day, and suddenly, it didnt seem to hurt at all anymore.

there’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it’s still a little hard to say what's going on
there’s still a little bit of your ghost your weakness
there’s still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each day
and I can´t see what´s going on
stones taught me to flylove, it taught me to lie
life, it taught me to dieso it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball

there’s still a little bit of your song in my ear
there’s still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to meso close that I can´t see what´s going on
stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life, it taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon..stones taught me to fly
and love taught me to cry
so come on courage
teach me to be shy
cause it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna scare herit's not hard to fall
andi don't wanna lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know

Paranoid

2007-05-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

Ok I just watched this totally freaky movie called 28 days(or was it weeks). Well, part of it anyway. Half way into the movie, me and my friend realized it wasnt worth the torture of watching such freakingly gruesomness. For all the people who've already watched it didnt find it scary, dudes you've got issues. Which part of people banging their heads on walls out of insaness and then beating other people to death isnt scary?!

Well we still had some time left before I had to go home...so i thought i'd go prom dress shopping. The ICPU prom is coming and ok so I'm not exactly in ICPU....but some of my senior friends asked me to come along..and its the last time I'll be seeing them before theyre off to wherever theyre going. And I've never been one to turn down a chance to dress up ANNNND my mums gotten so into the idea of prom that she's given me a gorgeous budget for my prom dress. Hmm who knows...there might even be some potential princes there

2007-05-24T01:36:00.000-07:00

Yea, it's been awhile since I've blogged. I'd like to say I was too busy dealing with life,but the truth is there hasn't been any life shattering events in my life lately, and its been that way for awhile. Not that drama-free life is a bad thing, but it would be nice to feel part of the bigger picture once in awhile.

As for world shaking events(that phrase seems wrong somehow.is there such a thing?), well, thats a completely different story. I'm not going to go into details, mostly to protect the innocent(namely me). That and there's just some things I'm not ready to share with the world. Not with my world anyway.
It sucks how the supposedly best feeling in the world keeps getting you down. Yeah, I think it's getting better....but that's proabably because I refuse to acknowledge the feelings are still there. But I'll get there. I have to...right?

Love calls(the fictional character who seems oh so real.not the feeling). My deep/sharing moods suddenly vanished due to a certain call anyway...so love it is

emoness

2007-05-14T00:30:00.000-07:00

You can probably tell from the title of this entry that I'm feeling pretty emo at the moment.Urgh, I hate that word....emoness. It somehow doesnt seem to fully describe this feeling, but neither does the other words dancing(to extremly gloomy music btw) in my brain. Sad? no, I'm not sad...this feeling is more raw than that. Depressed? not that either. Depressed sounds like I'm suicidal or desperately needing psychiatric aid. And while I am undeniably * insert horrible feeling here*, I quite like my life even though it doesnt seem all that good at this paticular second.

Hmm...I guess nostalgic comes close though...

It feels like my whole world is changing all of a sudden. I'm not talking about coming to malaysia....I think I'm starting to really fit in here(or am i just jinxing it?). But I miss my old friends, the ones that I've known since kindergarden, all the way through elementary school and survived with me through high school. And while I love my friends here, I have this completely different bond with those friends who visited me when I got my leg broken for the first time and consoled me when I got my first heartbreak.

But now, everyone seems to be in a rush to grow up and leaving everything behind. It's like all their priorities and values that they were raised to believe in are suddenly insignificant. And while I understand that everyone has a different idea of whats right and wrong, I just cant seem to let this go. Because what they seem to think is right seems soo wrong to me, and that gets me wondering how people with such different moral views can ever be friends again. Is this what growing up is really all about? Do we just have to let go or try desperatly to hold on to the broken pieces that we have left? Which ever way I look at it, nothing feels like it's ever going to be like the way it used to be. And thats a shame, because life was pretty great just the way it was.

For you lucky maldivians

2007-05-11T09:14:00.000-07:00

My lifes been pretty uneventful these past few days so I dont really have much to blog about. Got our exam schedule *grimaces*. Once I'm through with them I get to go back to male'....aaargh I miss you guys back home soo much! I guess most of you guys wont be there though huh? Sigh...sometimes I wish we were still back at school...yea, aminiya was a pain...but we had our fun eh? Anyways, we're all going to be in male' during christmas holidays right(if you werent thinking about coming back before, start thinking about it now!) And for our poor future chseians(I feel for you guys) hang in there.....I shall be there in scoop soon enough(Finally!)

Anyways, I thought I'd write about some of my new friends here(well, the PL1 crowd at least).....

Ahh where should I start?
Hmm mervyn(aka lai wei shiung...a name i have yet to pronounce correctly, a fact which justin seems to find hilarious)is my partner in crime when it comes to making totally random,sarcastic jokes that no one usually gets. Or maybe they're just too deep for them eh? heh. He's also our resident photographer...and you guys know what a camwhore I'm turning into right? So it works out just fine (: And we've even got our own language that we tend to speak when the rest of them start blabbering away in madarin...shame we dont know what we're saying though.

Then theres Claire Tan Su wei(but call her claire and die.sigh) She's a total babe, you can practically see the guys drool when she walks pass them(well its true!)...cant wait for prom to see what lengths the poor guys go to....doubt any of them are gonna get any results though.hah. Anyways, she's one of the most honest and down to earth people I know and one of my first friends here. Glad I met you su wei :D

Serene Lee... a complete angel and I dont think theres a single person who's met her that doesnt adore her. Definately one of the nicest and cutest people you'll ever meet. I guess she's also the big sister(in a way) in our group. We'll miss you in econs sereney ):

Can't forget our chef(who's yet to cook us anything i have to add) more commonly known as Justin. He's the biggest badminton fan I've ever met I think. A really decent guy.....heres to many more days of teasing each other eh justin! *psst I forgot your chinese name..sorry*

If you hear the phrase 'you know my friend ar...' you've probably just met florence yong. I swear, I have never met anyone who has so many friends(especially ones with such colorful personalities judging by the stories she tells us:P)....but I'm not surprised. She's one of those people that you'll never really ever get bored around and can practically always make you laugh with her jokes which have ridiculous punch lines. She might make lame jokes but thats why we luv her. Nice having you around flo!

Hmm lets see...who else? Ahh Eu jin(eh?whats his last name?). He's a really nice guy. And responsible. College wouldnt be the same without him around.

Its 1 am. Someone better comment on this one.

Some things you probably dont know about me

2007-05-10T23:17:00.001-07:00

1.I'm addicted to those long, sugar covered sour candy they sell at famous amos. Yes, addicted.
2. My dream guy would make me fall completely, head over heels in love with him by singing 'creep' by radiohead for me
3. I have a bear called Benny that I've had since I was 4. He still sleeps in my bed :)
4. I watch Home alone 3 whenever I'm sick in bed
5. I've always secretly thought I was adopted
6. I know all the words to every single song by avril Lavigne(sad innit?)
7. I hate it when people except my mum calls me Ju
8. I have a thing for guys with really short hair (think wentworth miller from prison break)
9. If I use 'lol' that probably means I dont think the joke was funny at all
10. If I tease you on a regular basis, congrats....ure probably on my list of fav people

My inner nerd

2007-05-08T02:39:00.000-07:00

My minds on overdrive right now....theres just soo much going on in there(some of which even I dont know). Well, I'm not going to blog about everything cos honestly, I dont need you guys knowing every little detail of my life. That, and it's a bit creepy.

Anyways, no Ms. Harjit didn't kill me. Instead, she told me that she was very angry(but she was laughing.Teachers...theyre so weird). I still think it's totally unfair that she just pointed me out even though literally half of the class skipped the test. She was like....' I expected you to be there...especially you Juna'. Sigh..

I DID manage to get an A for my law assignment, so that proves I havent completely dissapeared to the dark side right? Or maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel less guilty for skipping that test. And no, it's not because I'm a nerd(ok, maybe just a tiny bit....) but I really need a good testi to get into my top 5 uni's which the minimum requirements are AAB or AAA. Aaaargh!!

Speaking of uni's....I dont know WHERE I'm going or where I really want to go for sure yet(and then theres the whole issue of whether I can get in..). I mean yea, I've got my eye on 3 really good uni's...but then I have a bad feeling I might end up in ECU in Perth.....and if given a choice, I wouldnt even consider that place. So right now, I'm not sure WHERE I'm going...or whether I'm even going to apply in august at all.

And the weird thing? for now, thats just alrite.

I've entered the world of cooldom

2007-05-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

As I'm writing this, my classmates(well...most of them) are doing their law test. And why am I not up there suffering with them you ask? The answer is simple: I've entered into the world of cooldom. No..I'm kidding, I just spent too much time online last week and ended up barely reading half of the chapters which are coming for the test. Okok so I read them...i just didnt STUDY(huge difference)And honestly, what's worse...skipping one measley test which doesnt count for anything or failing it horribly and messing up my so far, pretty damn good grades? Call it running away from my problems if you must, but I pick the latter.

Shit! Ms.Harjit is gonna kill us tomorrow though. I can just hear her saying 'where were you juna ar? You cant skip classes ok? This is going to affect your testimonials which means you can never get into a decent uni and you're going to end up living on the streets and living a life of crime...'

Ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but it's still going to be pretty ugly. Sigh, wish me luck.

Here I am, talking about it too

2007-05-06T02:44:00.001-07:00

I was bored and looking through a couple of people's blogs today, and I seemed to come across this one paticular topic in almost everyone's blog repeatedly. Yeah, I knew everyone thought about it and stuff, but I guess I undermined just HOW much of an impact it has on our lives,despite differences in sex,race,religion. And what surprised me further was not ONE person talked about this paticular topic in a postive way...it was all about how this thing screwed them up, how it left them broken, how confused they were...and well, just more depressing stuff. It's a bit scary.

If you havent guessed what it already is, I'm talking about that ugly four letter word. No,the other one...love. And since everyone's talking about it, I thought I should do it too. Although I have to say, I'm not quite sure exactly what I think about it..bah...let me surprise myself too eh?

I dont exactly remember a time when I didn't think I'd find my prince charming(I'd actually prefer a better term..maybe ken.just with a brain.and more manly.and less plastic).Anyways, the point here is, pretty much all of us were read disney fairytales during bedtime and watched their cartoons(I love cinderella and lady and the tramp!but thats not the point..) Remember how the prince always rescues the girl and sweeps her off her feet and how they live happily ever after? Disney lied to us(ooo....a tort case guys:P...I'm thinking emotional distress?) ! This stuff doesnt happen in real life! Yet, we dont exactly ever give up hope,do we? Ok, so maybe some of us do, but the majority of us still keep waiting for our Ken. So that get's me wondering, is it really worth all that effort? Is there a ken(or barbie) for everyone?

My top 20 fav songs at the moment(in no paticular order)

2007-05-05T19:33:00.001-07:00

So Beautiful - Pete Murray
Signal Fire - Snow Patrol
I Am A Highway - Audioslave
Aeroplane - Tal Bachman
Seaside - The Kooks
Naive - The kooks
She moves in her own way - The Kooks
Opportunity - Pete Murray
Best Thing You Never Had - Butch Walker
Big Blue Sea - Bob Schneider
Home - Chris Daughtry
Breakfast At Tiffanys - Deep Blue Something
Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World
Look After You - The Fray
So Goodbye - Howie Day
I Think God Can Explain - Splender
Boston - Augustana
Name - Goo Goo Dolls
Learning to Breathe - Switchfoot
Lightning Crashes - Live

juna the dog(s)?

2007-05-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

I just photobucketed my name(like you guys have never done it?) to see the other lucky people who share my name. I was expecting a couple of japanese gurls, maybe some anime, possibly even a place or two. Imagine my horror when not only 1, but 4 pages of DOGS popped up! Now, I dont discriminate against dogs or anything, but seriusly, my parents gave me a dogs name?! Hmm...now that I think about it, I havent met anyone who's called juna, and now I know why..hmph! Why didnt they just go ahead and call me buddy or lucky?*glares*

Juna the dog.eurgh!

i need food

2007-05-04T23:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm officially starving. For some reason, I just can't bring myself to go grocery shopping. I've always felt that places like Giant are like quicksand....once you go in, you can never come out. Oh okay...maybe you come out, but you still buy tons of stuff you probably dont need(think 5 chocolate packets, 2 cartons of ice cream and 0 vegetables) and you're back there again a week later. Its a viscous cycle I tell you!

Or maybe I'm just coming up with excuses for being too lazy to get out of the house.

So where was I? ahh yea, starving. All I have at home at the moment is gulha that mum sent me...and as much as I love gulha, theres just so much of that a gurl can eat. And as my cooking abilites are limited to boiling water and making instant noodles which I dont have at home at the moment, it just leaves me with one option. Going grocery shopping. Sigh, I knew it was coming down to this

I'm cheesecake

2007-05-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

You Are Cheesecake

Rich, sweet, and simply perfect.

You're not boring - you're just the best!

Hmm....cheesecake is good

yawn

2007-05-04T10:16:00.000-07:00

Got home an hour or so ago after watching spiderman 3 for the second time in 2 days. The first time I went with a friend for the pure sake of getting to an air conditioned place. Yea, college is air conditioned but cmon, Taylors isnt exactly the most happening place on earth now, is it? But I couldnt tell my housemates I went cos they would kill me if they found out I went without them and well, I've gotten the taste of a good 16 years and I'm in no hurry to die.

Oh well, it was fun anyways. 11 of us went and lets just say there was alot of giggling, popcorn throwing and gabby screaming NOOooo when Harry died.

Ooops, for those yet to watch it, I'm sorry!, pretend you didnt see that part. It's a pretty cool movie, a bit cheesy perhaps, but c'mon...its spiderman! what do you expect?

Sigh...its 1.30 am now....and I still have no mood to go to sleep. Its not that I'm not sleepy. Because I am. Very. But lately, sleeping has just seemed like a waste of time(yea guys, I never thought I'd see the day either). Its not that life has been paticularly good that I dont want to miss a single minute of it. In fact, most of the time lately, it just seems to be very unfair. But theres just so much to do....so many people to talk to....so much to feel......and in comparison,sleeping just seems so pointless.

Did I just hear a rumble from my stomach?...ahh there it is again. Thats my cue, I need food.